4 



GOOD FORM 
FOR WOMEN 



A GUIDE TO CONDUCT AND 
DRESS ON ALL OCCASIONS 

BY 

MRS. CHARLES HARCOURT 




PHILADELPHIA 

THE JOHN C. WINSTON CO. 

1907 



5** 



LIBRARY of CONGRESS 1 
Two CoDie? Received 

UAh 21 1907 

j s Copyright Entry 
j CUSS n XXc, No. 

n/j// 

| COPY B. ' 



Copyrighted 1907 
By 

The John C. Winston Co. 



2_» 



% 



PREFACE. 



I believe that it is considered — particu- 
larly among writers of the feminine sex — 
the part of proper modesty to preface a 
volume with an apology for having writ- 
ten it. I am not disposed to follow this 
fashion. Whether or not I have acquitted 
myself creditably I leave to the decision of 
the reviewer and the reader, and surely 
the subject calls for no excuse. Although 
it has been treated times innumerable, 
there would seem to be always room for 
an addition to the literature of Good 
Form. 

iii 



iv Preface. 

Five hundred years ago, the great 
Dutch scholar, Erasmus, wrote an essay 
" On Behaviour at Meals," and judging 
from some of his admonitions, the needs of 
his times in this respect were greater than 
those of ours. He assures the reader that 
''it is very rude to blow your nose on the 
table-cloth," or 14 to wipe your fingers on 
your neighbour's coat." The aspirant to 
good behaviour is urged not to " give dogs 
bones to crack under the table, or feed the 
cat, or encourage animals to jump on the 
table," and above all things, not to lick his 
plate. Our manners are on a higher plane, 
but still a writer of the present decade con- 
siders it necessary to warn her male reader 
against taking his jack-knife to the fruit at 
a formal dinner, the presumption being 
that on ordinary occasions that article will 



Preface. v 

be a welcome addition to the paraphernalia 
of the table. 

Believing that all commendable conven- 
tionalities are more or less directly trace- 
able to some altruistic or utilitarian princi- 
ple, I have endeavored to present the 
fundamental features of Good Form by 
combining ethics with etiquette. 

My chief thought and effort has been 
to help some of the very many girls who 
have not had the benefit of proper home 
training or sufficient experience. " So- 
ciety," in the restricted sense of the word, I 
have not considered at all. Its peculiar 
usages — largely the outcome of caprice — 
are constantly changing and do not affect 
the large mass of well-bred and sensible 
persons who form the representative class 
of Americans. 



vi Preface. 

My old friend, Sidney Poindexter Beau- 
regard, of Sumter, South Carolina, de- 
scribes himself as " a horse broker an' a 
locus preacher." Pressed by the puzzled 
stranger for an explanation, he elucidates 
thus: "A horse broker am a man what 
breaks horses an 1 mules — dat my sec'lar 
occupation. De locus preacher — dat my 
Sabbath offishusness — an' de signification 
am dis — de reg'lar preacher, him 'bliged 
to stick to 'urn tex\ but de locus preacher, 
he 'lowed to ramble." In the following 
pages I have exercised the privilege of the 
" locus preacher.'' If I have not alto- 
gether lost sight of my text at times, I have 
certainly rambled to a great distance from 
it, as, for instance, in the chapter on " The 
Young Wife." But these little excursions 
into the field of homely philosophy will, I 



Preface. vii 

am confident, meet with the toleration of 
the reader who appreciates the spirit in 
which this book is written and my object 
in writing it. 

Philadelphia, December, 1906, 



GOOD FORM. 



Good Form, according to the Century 
Dictionary, signifies conformity to the con- 
ventionalities and usages of society; also, 
in a more comprehensive sense, propriety. 
That is, propriety or fitness in general — 
fitness of action and of condition, physical 
and mental. There is a right and a 
wrong way of doing everything — a right 
and a wrong condition of all states of be- 
ing. To be healthy in mind and body is 
good form. 

" Good form is the manifestation of 
good breeding. Its scope embraces the 



2 Good Form. 

whole conduct of life. The conventional 
element of good form is based upon the 
varying customs of society; its ethical ele- 
ment rests upon those changeless laws 
which define the moral obligation of the in- 
dividual to his fellow man and to the com- 
munity at large." 

Whilst it is possible for a person lacking 
in the essentials of good form to assume 
a veneer of politeness that may pass cur- 
rent among superficial observers for suffi- 
cient mark of the gentlewoman, true good 
form is based upon certain essential qual- 
ities of the heart, without which it is as a 
body without a soul, a temple without wor- 
shippers, an envelope without an enclos- 
ure — it is, in short, the form without the 
substance. 

Mere conformity to the rules of eti- 



Good Form. 3 

quette Is of comparatively little conse- 
quence. Many a milkmaid, with homely 
exterior, possesses more of the essentials of 
a lady than does Mrs. Flam Boyant, with 
surface polish and innate ill-nature. It 
has been said that " it takes three genera- 
tions to make a gentleman." The thought 
underlying the aphorism is that breeding 
is necessary to the production of the stable 
qualities that form the foundation of the 
character of a gentleman. Training in 
one generation, becomes habit in the next, 
and temperament in the third. 

True good form must be tempera- 
mental. Proper action must spring from 
proper feeling. The essential condition, 
then, is that of a sane mind in a sound 
body. This is largely a matter of hered- 
ity, but a splendid heritage may be neg- 



4 Good Form. 

lected and even ruined, and an indifferent 
one may be cherished and developed. 
The son of a gentleman may become a 
blackguard, and the daughter of a dairy- 
man may develop into a lovable and pol- 
ished lady. 

It is desirable — necessary, in fact — 
that a girl should be conversant with the 
conventionalities of society, but more im- 
portant that she should cultivate the kindly 
virtues from which they spring. One is a 
practical assurance of the other. The wo- 
man whose heart is in the right place can 
never be vulgar. She may commit a tri- 
fling solecism, but she will never make a 
cruel speech. She may eat her entree with- 
a knife, but she will not wound her friend. 
She may remove her gloves in a ballroom, 
but she will not scold her servants. Three 



Good Form. 5 

of the most vulgar acts that have ever 
come within my experience were com- 
mitted by women in so-called "high 
society." 

Mile. Scudery, in her description of 
Madame de Sevigne, sketches, with a few 
strong strokes of the pen, a picture of an 
admirable woman : " Graceful without af- 
fectation, witty without malice, gay with- 
out folly, modest without restraint, and vir- 
tuous without severity." Simplicity is the 
keynote of true refinement; simplicity in 
speech, simplicity in behaviour, simplicity 
in dress; and all of these emanate from 
simplicity in thought. When the mind 
has been trained to habitual right think- 
ing, the result is instinctive right action. 
The safest guide to proper conduct is the 
golden rule. You can not go far wrong 



6 Good Form. 

if you treat others as you would have them 
treat you. The true gentlewoman is dis- 
tinguished by her cheery good-will and her 
readiness to sacrifice her inclinations to the 
pleasure and comfort of others. These 
traits should always be prominent in a 
young girl and especially so where her 
elders are concerned. The home circle is 
the natural field for the cultivation of the 
social virtues, but, sad to say, it is fre- 
quently the least favorable. The respon- 
sibilities of parents and their opportunities 
are never so great as during the early years 
of their children. From the time it learns 
to lisp, the little one may be taught kindli- 
ness and courtesy. The lessons so learnt 
are the easiest and most effective of our 
lives. What is impressed upon us then 
becomes second nature. Its acquisition is 



Good Form. 7 

almost an unconscious process and its ap- 
plication almost a spontaneous one. The 
mother who neglects the opportunity af- 
forded by the plastic period of her child's 
life is not only wronging her offspring, but 
also denying herself one of the best medi- 
ums of self-education. 

My young friend, I will impart to you 
a secret which would surely be revealed to 
you with more mature experience, al- 
though, perhaps, too late to avail. It is 
that the cultivation of happiness is the 
surest means to social success. The sunny 
disposition makes the strongest appeal to 
our fancy. We are warmed .by it and at- 
tracted to its possessor. It is infectious 
and therein lies its chief social value. The 
happy woman is sought as a companion, 
as a guest and as — a wife. Her galvanic 



8 Good Form. 

influence is felt round the dinner table; it 
radiates through the drawing-room; it re- 
lieves the dullest reception. 

Do not make the mistake of imagining, 
because a few persons, who are elevated 
upon a pedestal of pelf, choose to affect a 
sombre, blase demeanour, that it is conso- 
nant with true good form. In the main, 
society is sensible. Its principal element 
is the great number of educated, w T ell-bred 
people, the rapidly forming middle-class, 
that is representative of the best that is in 
the American nation. It is as distinct 
from the frivolous few as it is from the 
riff-raff. Society, then, does not counte- 
nance any sham. It respects simplicity 
and goodness, and it recognizes happiness 
as the very salt of life. 

" We ought," says Sir John Lubbock, 



Good Form. 9 

" to be as cheerful as we can, if only be- 
cause to be happy ourselves is a most ef- 
fectual contribution to the happiness of 
others." Cultivate happiness and all that 
makes for it. Form the habit of creating 
what Ruskin calls " nests of pleasant 
thoughts. Those are nests on the sea, in- 
deed, but safe beyond all others. Do you 
know what fairy palaces you may build of 
beautiful thoughts, proof against all ad- 
versity? Bright fancies, satisfied mem- 
ories, noble histories, treasure-houses of 
precious and restful thoughts, which care 
cannot disturb, nor pain make gloomy, nor 
poverty take away from us — houses built 
without hands for our souls to live in." 

Most important among the factors of 
happiness are the altruistic qualities of 
sympathy, good-temper and tact. It 



io Good Form. 

might be said with almost exact truth that 
the first embraces the others. At least it 
is hardly possible that they can be alto- 
gether absent from it. The Italians use 
the word simpatica to imply the possession 
of almost all the kindly virtues. Unselfish 
and unfailing sympathy has, indeed, the 
most powerful and most pervasive influ- 
ence. It is more attractive than beauty, or 
intellect, and, unlike these, it is within the 
capacity of any woman. By the suppres- 
sion of egoism and the cultivation of in- 
terest in others we shall surely develop the 
quality of sympathy in ourselves. 

Good temper — the revelation of a 
sweet disposition — is practically insepara- 
ble from sympathy, and, like it, is attaina- 
ble by effort. The habitual optimistic atti- 
tude, readiness to condone the faults of 



Good Form. n 

others, patience and a sense of humor — 
these will ensure it. Tact is the helmsman 
in the social sea. It is that delicate, intui- 
tive sense that enables one to appreciate 
the feelings and position of another. It 
prompts us to do and say the right thing 
in the right place and at the right time. 

Tact is the active principle of sympathy. 
The lack of it is a serious handicap to 
many an otherwise admirable and lovable 
woman. Who does not know the tactless 
individual — her name is legion — who, 
in sheer goodheartedness, forces her 
condolence upon the stricken soul in the 
first agony of its grief, or she who, 
with perfectly good intent constantly 
embarrasses you with malapropos remarks. 
Such unfortunates are sincerely to be 
pitied, for they often carry a cargo of ster- 



12 Good Form. 

ling worth that fails of its destination only 
for lack of the guiding hand of tact. 

I have dwelt upon these points because 
they are of vital importance. The quali- 
ties we have discussed are the essentials of 
good-breeding, and good form, in its con- 
ventional acceptance, is but the manifesta- 
tion of them. The process of cultivation, 
to be effective, must be directed towards 
the development of these basic qualities. 
All else is a subsidiary, but natural, out- 
growth of them. The forms of etiquette 
are but the expression of good-will, not the 
feeling itself, but their value depends upon 
the existence of the feeling. We realize 
this at every moment of our lives. Who 
does not appreciate the difference between 
the cold and perfunctory greeting and the 
same words delivered with a warm smile, 



Good Form. 13 

between the hand that suggests the fin of a 
fish and the pressure that bespeaks genu- 
ine pleasure? 

Burke said, referring to manners: " Ac- 
cording to their quality they aid morals, 
and they supply them or they totally de- 
stroy them." The politeness that is the 
outcome of genuine good feeling is sponta- 
neous and does not involve that self-con- 
sciousness which is destructive of good 
manners. As Archbishop Whately re- 
marked: " To. be always thinking of your 
manners is not the way to make them 
good; because the very perfection of man- 
ners is not to think about yourself." No 
surer way of attaining this perfection can 
be found than by the cultivation of happi- 
ness, sympathy, charity, and good-nature. 

" Evil communications corrupt good 



14 Good Form. 

manners " is a quotation no less true than 
trite. Familiar contact with coarse and 
boorish persons can hardly fail to create 
rudeness. On the other hand, the com- 
panionship of genial and well-bred people 
will certainly foster the better qualities. 
The importance of discrimination in this 
respect is not always patent to young girls. 
They are very apt to let considerations of 
little consequence weigh in the selection of 
their friends, and if, indeed, they exercise 
any discrimination in the matter, the dis- 
tinctly rejective process is seldom em- 
ployed. In other words, whilst they make 
deliberate effort to secure the friendship of 
some, they seldom display an equally defi- 
nite purpose in the avoidance of intimacy 
with others. Many mothers are insuffi- 
ciently alive to the necessity of discretion 



Good Form. 15 

in this matter. Daughters are generally 
allowed the greatest freedom in the selec- 
tion of their companions, frequently with 
dire results. The most attractive person- 
ality to an inexperienced girl may be one 
that proves most injurious to her welfare. 

Manners no longer receive the attention 
in our schools that they did in the good old 
dames' schools of our grandmothers' days, 
when the bills would contain a charge for 
teaching u manners and deportment. " 
Happily the advantages of physical culture 
are more widely recognized than ever 
before. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 



Ordinary introductions no longer carry 
the weight that was formerly attached to 
them. They are not now considered nec- 
essary on casual occasions and we recognize 
a distinction between the chance introduc- 
tions and those of a more deliberate char- 
acter. 

Persons meeting under the roof of a 
mutual friend exchange courtesies and con- 
verse with one another without the for- 
mality of an introduction. Such inter- 
course does not entail any obligation to 
renew the acquaintance, nor does the 
casual introduction that is clearly made for 
the purpose of relieving a situation of em- 
barrassment. It may be accepted as a 
16 



Introductions. 17 

general rule that introductions which are 
not the result of expressed desire on the 
part of the principals need not have any 
after consequences. Of course there are 
exceptions to this as to every rule. 

As illustrative of the two classes of in- 
troductions, it may be said that a hostess 
is at liberty to present any one of her 
guests to any other without consulting the 
other, but at the house of another she 
might not introduce the same persons 
without ascertaining their desires in the 
matter. In the former case the persons 
thus made acquainted would be under no 
obligation to recognize each other after- 
wards except in the most perfunctory man- 
ner; in the latter a formal friendship 
would have been established. 

Indiscriminate introductions of the sec- 
ond class should always be avoided and if 
they are not, often cause annoyance and 
embarrassment. 



1 8 Introductions. 

At all small affairs the pleasure of the 
occasion is enhanced by general introduc- 
tions, but there should be no fuss or awk- 
ward effort made in effecting them. A 
hostess will generally call others to her aid 
in the matter. It is often embarrassing 
and not good form to introduce an arrival 
to all the guests at once or to more than 
one or two of them. 

At a dinner, unless it is small and in- 
formal, it is no longer considered neces- 
sary to make all the guests acquainted, but 
a hostess should be careful to present each 
of the men to the lady he is to take in and 
further introductions may be made after 
the return to the drawing-room. 

At a ball a man should not be presented 
to a lady until her permission has been se- 
cured. In the case of a young girl appli- 
cation should be made to her mother or 
chaperon. At house dances a greater de- 
gree of freedom prevails. It is quite good 



Introductions. 19 

form in chaperons to seek introductions to 
their charges among the young men pres- 
ent. One may always introduce a relative 
or member of one's household without for- 
mality. It is taken for granted that our 
friends will be glad to know those who 
are closely connected with us. 

A man is always presented to a woman; 
a young woman to one decidedly older 
than herself; an unmarried woman to a 
matron; a young man to a senior. These 
rules are sometimes modified in deference 
to age and station. For instance, a young 
unmarried woman would be presented to a 
very old gentleman, to a dignitary of 
Church or State, and a guest of honor, of 
course, receives all the presentations on the 
special occasion. 

Introductions can not be too simple and 
definite. They should be made without 
bows, gesticulations, or verbal flourishes 
on the part of the introducer, and the 



20 



Introductions. 



names should be distinctly pronounced. 
A suitable occasion should always be 
chosen for the ceremony, when it may be 
performed without inconveniencing any of 
the persons involved or attracting particu- 
lar attention to them. Never break in on 
a conversation for the purpose if the 
speakers appear to be really interested, and 
never lead a guest about a crowded room 
in pursuit of an introduction. AH persons 
are brought to the hostess and men are in- 
variably taken to ladies for presentation. 

The accepted form of introduction is 
very brief : " Mrs. A. permit me to present 
Mrs. B." or merely " Mrs. A., Mrs. B." 
The latter is the usual recourse when, as 
sometimes happens, there is a doubt as to 
which is entitled to the presentation. 
When one person is to be introduced to 
several at the same time the most conve- 
nient way of disposing of an awkward 
situation is to mention the name of the in- 



Introductions. 



21 



dividual and then those of the group in 
succession. Introductions en masse are 
awkward. 

When the introduction is other than per- 
functory a few words may be added with 
tactful grace for the purpose of placing 
your friends more quickly in touch with 
each other. For instance : " Mrs. A., I 
wish to introduce you to Mrs. B., who has 
just returned from Buenos Ayres, where, 
as I have told her, you resided for some 
time." Avoid vague introductions to 
your " cousin Tom," or to your " dear 
friend Mary D., n who may be married or 
not so far as appearance is a guide. It is 
better to adhere to the regular forms 
where there is the least possibility of mis- 
understanding, and a departure may in- 
volve undue familiarity even though a mis- 
take is impossible, as when you introduce 
your husband as John or Richard. It is 
allowable with us to use the word "hus- 



22 Introductions. 



band M where a foreign lady would say 
' k Mr. So-and-so." 

A woman should rise when another is 
presented to her unless the former be much 
the elder. She retains her seat and in- 
clines her head when a man is introduced 
to her. Whilst men usually shake hands 
on introduction women merely bow unless 
they are particularly anxious to evince 
friendship. This rule obtains in all strict- 
ness in Europe, but it is beginning to give 
way in this country to the spontaneous 
cordiality of our manners. When a man 
and woman are presented they repeat each 
others names with a smile and a slight 
bow, perhaps adding " I am happy to meet 
you !" or something to that effect. 



IN PUBLIC. 



Introductions in public are to be avoided 
as a rule, but when it is considered neces- 
sary to make them for the purpose of re- 
lieving restraint, it should be in a man- 
ner brief and informal. When strangers 
are meeting casually and are likely to be 
together for only a few minutes, it is better 
not to introduce them, or, if so, in an off- 
hand manner; if on the tfther hand they 
are to spend some time in the company of 
one another, or if it is probable that future 
circumstances will bring them into close ac- 
quaintanceship they should be formally in- 
troduced. To illustrate : should you be 
passing through a shop with Mrs. A. and 
meet Mrs. B. with whom you wish to ex- 

23 



24 In Public. 

change a few words, it is not necessary to 
introduce your friends. Should you do 
so, however, whilst it is quite proper for 
Mrs. A. to listen to your conversation, she 
should not take any part in it. Mrs. A. 
might simplify such a situation by stepping 
aside when you meet Mrs. B. But should 
you ask these ladies to take luncheon w T ith 
you, they must be immediately introduced 
in regular form. 

Forced introductions are still altogether 
too frequent. We shall be the gainers 
when the ceremony is restricted to the ac- 
tual requirements of convenience and 
courtesy. 

OX THE STREET. 

The fashion of walking arm and arm 
has quite expired. It is no longer consid- 
ered proper for even married persons to 
walk the streets linked together and the 
only occasions on which a gentleman offers 



In Public. 25 

his arm to a lady are formal dinners and 
balls. Still, of, course, the arm should be 
offered and accepted when any real neces- 
sity for its use exists. A woman may take 
her escort's arm in passing through a 
crowd, over a rough path, along a dark 
road, and it goes without saying that an 
elderly lady or an invalid would not hesi- 
tate to accept such support or even to ask 
for it. 

Unless you are intimately acquainted, a 
man will await your recognition before 
raising his hat to you. On the main thor- 
oughfares of a town or city, where one is 
apt to pass acquaintances, one should be on 
the qui vive for encounters. 

A gentleman will raise his hat when 
meeting or leaving a lady of his acquaint- 
ance and whilst speaking to her he will 
stand with it in his hand. We have car- 
ried this custom to an unreasonable extent 
in permitting men to stand bareheaded in 



26 



In Public. 



the open air for an indefinite time. Any 
woman of sense and good feeling will re- 
quest a man to cover in inclement weather 
and many make an invariable practice of 
doing so, but why not abolish the custom 
altogether? It is not logical nor consistent 
with kindred customs. Why should a dis- 
tinction be made between the man stand- 
ing beside your carriage and the man 
seated in it. One stands with a bald pate, 
perhaps, exposed to the sun, whilst the 
other has the benefit of his hat when he 
needs it less. If courtesy demands that a 
man stand uncovered before you, why 
should he be permitted to wear his hat 
when walking with you ? 

A man will accompany any act of 
courtesy to a stranger with lifted hat. 
The acknowledgment should be unmistak- 
able and should generally include an audi- 
ble "Thank you!" Many of us are very 
remiss in this respect and men resent with 



In Public. 27 

good cause the matter-of-fact way in 
which their courtesies, often entailing real 
inconvenience to themselves, are taken. 

A bow should always be acknowledged, 
even though we can not recall the face of 
the person saluting us. Our memory 
may be at fault or the other may have 
made a mistake. In any case we cannot 
ignore a courteous salute. 

No well-bred woman will ever deliber- 
ately cut an acquaintance. She may con- 
trive to be preoccupied in a natural man- 
ner when passing one whom she wishes to 
avoid, or she may check the development 
of an acquaintanceship by restricting her 
salute to a grave and purely polite bow. 
One who is treated in this manner, in the 
absence of any special cause, need not feel 
hurt and should not feel resentful. It 
frequently happens in the ordinary course 
of social life that we meet people with 
whom it is impossible to maintain any but 



28 



In Public. 



the most casual relations. One woman is 
restrained by the fact that her social duties 
are already equal to her ability to perform 
them; another is obliged, by reason of a 
moderate income and limited scope for en- 
tertainment, to keep the list of her friends 
within carefully calculated bounds. 

We kiss too much. The principles of 
both hygiene and honesty are constantly 
violated in the practice. We might well 
dispense with the perfunctory little peck 
on the cheek that means nothing, and re- 
serve the kiss for the real embrace of af- 
fection. It ought not to be necessary — 
but it is — to say that kissing in public is 
extremely bad form. 



INVITATIONS. 



It is hardly necessary to occupy space 
with illustrations of the ceremonious forms 
of invitation, for they are usually engraved 
and specimens may be seen at any sta- 
tioner's. They are used for dinner, wed- 
ding, or evening reception, and in these 
cases should be sent in the names of both 
host and hostess. Invitations for dances, 
afternoon receptions and garden parties go 
out in the name of the hostess only. In 
the case of a widower, whose household is 
presided over by a daughter, their names 
appear jointly on the invitations. For 
dances an " at home " card is commonly 
used with the word " Dancing " in the cor- 
ner. This is also the form of invitation to 
29 



30 Invitations. 

guests who are invited to the dance follow- 
ing a dinner party. 

Etiquette forbids a girl to issue invita- 
tions to men. She may, however, w r rite 
such a communication over her own sig- 
nature, stating that it is sent at the request 
of her mother. 

In the majority of cases invitations are 
written, and always for informal occasions, 
unless a visiting card is made the vehicle. 
The stereotyped form is usually followed 
in notes of invitation, but a friendly de- 
parture from it is permissible in address- 
ing intimates. For receptions the " at 
home " form of card is used, generally 

prefaced by the w T ords, " To meet 

in case the function is given for that special 
purpose. Invitations to receptions include 
the entire list of the hostess's acqaintances. 
There are many distinctly informal occa- 
sions to which intimate friends are bidden 
in notes devoid of all ceremony, and in 



Invitations. 31 

such cases verbal and telephone communi- 
cations are now sometimes resorted to. 
One must, however, never make the mis- 
take of resorting to such familiarity with 
any but close friends. 

The visiting card is often employed for 
afternoon musicales, card parties and simi- 
lar entertainments. In the left-hand cor- 
ner the word " Cards," " Private Theatri- 
cals, " or what not is written to intimate the 
nature of the entertainment, and the hour 
at which the guest is expected is added. 

Letters of invitation to house parties 
should always definitely state the length of 
time it is desired that the guest will stay. 
It is customary to name the friends who 
will be at the house and any other informa- 
tion that may facilitate the prospective 
guest's preparations. All invitations to 
out-of-town residences should be accompa- 
nied by a time-table or directions as to the 
most convenient way of reaching the place. 



32 Invitations. 

Of course, provision must be made for the 
conveyance of guests and their luggage 
from station or boat-landing. 

A theatre party is always supplemented 
by a dinner or supper. An equal number 
of men and women, or nearly so, are in- 
vited by informal note, which will mention 
the fact if they are expected to dine; other- 
wise the subsequent supper is understood. 
As a woman's costume at the opera may 
be regulated by the location of her seat in 
the house, the invitation should state that 
a box will be occupied or otherwise. 

Husband and wife are invariably a 
social unit. It is not allowable to invite 
one without the other except on the few 
occasions when no men will be present. 
One invitation includes both and their 
social unity will not permit of one accept- 
ing an invitation which the other declines. 

Each member of a family is addressed 
with a separate invitation, except that two 

2 



Invitations. 33 

or more unmarried sisters may be ad- 
dressed collectively as " The Misses 

For dinners, balls, dances and 

most other functions, invitations are sent 
out two weeks, and sometimes longer, in 
advance of the date set, but ten days, or 
even a week, is a sufficient interval in case 
of informal dinners, luncheons, etc. 

It is no longer considered necessary to 
use the letters R. s. v. p. to remind an 
invited guest of the obligation to reply. 
Cards to the church for a wedding do not 
need any acknowledgment; nor is a re- 
sponse required to a card for a reception, 
but, if unable to attend, one should send 
one's own visiting card and time its ar- 
rival, if possible, during the progress of 
the function. All other invitations should 
be answered within twenty-four hours of 
receipt and a delay of more than two days 
can only be justified by the soundest ex- 
cuse. Replies should follow the style of 



34 Invitations. 

the invitation, being in some sort an echo 
of it, including a repetition of the day and 
hour mentioned. The reason for a decli- 
nation is often stated briefly, but usually 
takes the indefinite form of " a previous 
engagement." It is now quite good form 
to employ the mails for the conveyance of 
all invitations. If, however, an invitation 
is received by messenger, the reply should 
be delivered by hand. 

An invitation may never be accepted 
provisionally. We may not agree to dine 
with our friend u provided nothing hap- 
pens to prevent," and if we accept, noth- 
ing but the most serious circumstance may 
be allowed to interfere with the fulfilment 
of the engagement. A woman who 
throws over one function, no matter how 
comparatively modest, to attend another, 
deserves to lose a friend and may lose sev- 
eral if the fact becomes known, for hos- 
tesses are naturally very jealous of the 



Invitations. 35 

preservation of customary etiquette in 
these matters. A dinner may be spoilt, 
and probably will be marred, by the unex- 
pected absence of one guest, and that al- 
though the derelict is of no consequence, 
except as a unit necessary to the completion 
of the party. 



CARDS AND CALLING. 



The present extremely simple piece of 
pasteboard used in visiting is the outcome 
of an evolution which involved the most 
elaborate and, from our present point of 
view, fantastic visiting cards. A wide 
variety of materials and colors was used 
at different times and ornamentation 
ranged from simple monograms to land- 
scape sketches. Whilst there is no likeli- 
hood of a departure, in our day at least, 
from the simplicity of style at present in 
vogue, considerable change has taken place 
within recent time in card etiquette, and 
further modifications may be expected in 
the future. Indeed, there are slight dif- 
ferences in the code of observances in dif- 

36 



Cards and Calling. 37 

ferent cities at the same time and mem- 
bers of rural communities always observe 
less formality than that which rules in our 
large centers. There are, however, con- 
ventions connected with the use of visiting 
cards which are recognized by well-bred 
people everywhere in America. 

Slight changes in the size and thickness 
of the card and in the style of engraving 
are frequent and should be conformed to. 
One should go to a thoroughly reliable sta- 
tioner for all these things — visiting cards, 
invitations, and announcement forms, writ- 
ing paper, and the rest. In this way 
trouble may be saved and mistakes 
avoided. The card of a matron is usually 
a trifle larger than that of an unmarried 
woman, unless the latter be a hostess in her 
own right. Cards are no longer creased or 
folded in any manner. The joint husband 
and wife card is obsolete, except as an ac- 
companiment of gifts or as a New Year 



38 Cards and Calling. 

or Christmas token. Some persons still 
use it during the first year of marriage, 
but the exceptional circumstances men- 
tioned mark the limit of indulgence allow- 
able. So many women are engaged in the 
business and professional vocations for- 
merly restricted to men, that it may be 
worth while to say that in such cases two 
sets of cards should be used. Those de- 
signed for social purposes may not contain 
any reference to the occupation, unless it 
be the prefix " Dr.," instead of " Mrs./' 
or " Miss," in the case of a physician, and 
that is in questionable taste. It can hardly 
be necessary to state that a woman's card 
should never indicate her husband's pro- 
fession. " Mrs. Major " is no more 
allowable than " Mrs. Cashier." 

School-girls may use cards among them- 
selves and their young companions. Such 
cards bear an engraved name without pre- 
fix. For a year, or longer, after her debut, 



Cards and Calling. 39 

a girl's name is placed below that of her 
mother on the latter's card. When she 
begins to call independently, a girl uses an 
individual card. If she is the only un- 
married daughter, or if her unmarried 
sisters are all younger than herself, her 
card merely bears the surname, with the 
courtesy prefix, thus, " Miss Brown," 
whilst those of her sisters contain the dis- 
tinguishing Christian names, as, " Miss 
Edith Brown," etc. The sisters may, if 
they wish, use a card jointly, engraved, 
" The Misses Brown." If Mrs. Brown 
has more than one daughter in society, 
who are not using individual cards, they 
are represented on hers, either jointly, 
as " The Misses Brown," or preferably 
as " Miss Brown," 11 Miss Edith Brown," 
the names being placed under one another. 

A mother leaves, with her own cards, 
those of a son who is entering society. 
After he has been recognized by invita- 



40 Cards and Calling. 

tions, he will attend to his own social obli- 
gations, personally or by proxy. 

A married woman's card is engraved 
with her husband's Christian name, prefer- 
ably in full, but never with any abbrevia- 
tions, or diminutives, other than initials, 
thus, " Mrs. Henry Portei 4 Brown," or 
" Mrs. Henry P. Brown," never " Mrs. 
Hy. P. Brown," or " Mrs. Harry P. 
Brown." A widow is at liberty to resume 
her Christian name, but if she has become 
thoroughly identified with that of her hus- 
band, the more convenient, and in any 
case the more dignified, practice is to con- 
tinue the use of it. When a son marries, 
the widow frequently drops the Christian 
names, styling herself simply " Mrs. 
Brown." This carries the distinction of 
dowagership and, in case the son bears the 
same name as his father, avoids mistakes. 
In the latter case the only alternative 
would be the addition of " Jr." to the 



Cards and Calling. 41 

cards of the younger wife, but this title, 
or that of " Sr." is objectionable on wo- 
men's cards, even though they be regularly 
attached to the husband's names. A di- 
vorced woman must discard her former 
husband's Christian names and it is op- 
tional with her whether or not she retain 
the surname. Persons in mourning, in- 
dicate the fact on the visting card by a 
border which varies in depth according to 
the degree of relationship with the de- 
ceased. A good stationer will know what 
is correct in this respect. 

At the first call of the season, a married 
woman leaves her own card, and two of 
her husband's — one for the head of the 
family and the other for his wife. If 
there be a married daughter residing in the 
house, she must be individually recognized. 
If there are unmarried daughters, the 
caller leaves one of her cards for them. 
A son's card may be included in this dis- 



42 Cards and Calling. 

\ 

tribution. An acquaintance staying at the 
house should not be overlooked and a card 
left for a guest whom we may not have 
met is an act of courtesy that will be ap- 
preciated by the hostess. So, when call- 
ing upon a friend who is staying at the 
house of a lady with whom we are unac- 
quainted, a card should be left for the 
latter. 

In a large city, cards are frequently left 
when there is no intention of paying a 
visit and one member of the family often 
does duty for the others in this respect. 
After the first formal call of the season, a 
woman leaves her husband's cards only in 
recognition of some hospitality extended 
to him, nor is it necessary to leave her own 
when the visit is the ordinary friendly one 
without social significance. 

Cards are left when the first call of the 
season is made; when calling for the first 
time upon the lady of the house; in recog- 



Cards and Calling. 43 

nition of an invitation, or in acknowledg- 
ment of some hospitality; for the purpose 
of conveying information, or leaving a re- 
minder of change of address, or of day at 
home; when the visit is one of congratula- 
tion, or condolence; when it is the last be- 
fore a prolonged absence from home, or 
the first after such an absence. 

Visiting cards should not be made to 
serve the purpose of notes, except between 
very intimate friends. Some persons em- 
ploy them to convey expressions of con- 
gratulation or condolence, and other mes- 
sages. In all such cases, good form de- 
mands that the card shall be accompanied 
by a note, or allowed to speak for itself 
without addition, except for the words 
" Congratulations, " or " To enquire," in 
case of illness. 

As has already been said, visiting cards 
may be employed to carry invitations to 
almost, any informal entertainments, but 



44 Cards and Calling. 

in these cases nothing more than the nec- 
essary information should be written upon 
them. Above all, they should never be 
made the medium for the conveyance of 
declinations or acceptances to invitations. 

It may happen that a young girl desires 
to intimate her pleasure or sorrow at some 
circumstance affecting a man friend, or to 
send him a box of flowers in an illness. 
In such a case her card accompanied by 
that of her mother accomplishes the object 
and conforms to the demands of pro- 
priety. 

Cards and notes of condolence are ac- 
knowledged by an engraved card, which 
may be seen at any stationer's. 

CALLING. 

Now and again one hears some grand- 
mother sigh for the old-time visits of her 
youth, when friends met frequently for 
long cheery chats over a glass of wine and 



r 1 



Cards and Calling. 45 

a slice of cake and often had real news to 
exchange. Then a woman was " at 
home " from morning till night and 
always ready to welcome visitors. Her 
social duties were insignificant and her cir- 
cle of acquaintances few, in comparison 
with those of her granddaughter. The 
matron of to-day, resident in a large city, 
is in a very different situation, but hardly 
so enviable a one. Her energy and in- 
genuity are constantly taxed to the utmost 
to meet the demands upon her time. She 
may have several hundred persons upon 
her visiting list. The majority of these 
enter her house, perhaps, twice a year and 
she theirs no more often. Many of them 
she hardly knows by sight and could not 
call by name. Friends meet only at long 
intervals and then in the fleeting fashion of 
" ships that pass in the night. " 

It is much to be regretted — the manner 
of our city life — but for many there ap- 



46 Cards and Calling. 

pears to be no alternative to submission. 
The woman who has a husband with busi- 
ness ambition to be served, daughters and 
sons to convoy to success, and an estab- 
lished position to maintain, must resign 
herself to the exacting routine of social 
life with its regretable artificiality and 
sacrifice of so much that is worth the most. 
Leisure, the cultivation of friendships, 
self-culture, must be indulged, if at all, 
during the partial respite of the summer 
season. 

Not all of us, nor a majority, fortu- 
nately, are so situated; and if we are wise, 
we shall see to it in the early days of our 
wifehood, that the social obligations that 
are imposed upon us are not allowed to 
grow into burdensome exactions. This 
may be done by the exercise of judgment 
and discrimination at the outset — by the 
careful choice of friends and the limita- 
tion of their number. 



Cards and Calling. 47 

Our husbands have long since claimed 
their emancipation and women are accus- 
tomed to accord them the utmost leniency. 
Aside from attending an occasional recep- 
tion, a business man makes no calls in the 
season, and if his wife leaves his cards in 
accordance with established etiquette he is 
acquitted of all further obligation in this 
respect. 

The hours for visiting are between 
three and six o'clock of every day in 
the week. There is a movement in cer- 
tain circles against Sunday calls, but the 
practice is too convenient and popular to 
fall out of general observance. One must 
be sur le pied de la plus grande familiarite 
to justify a morning call, unless it be on a 
matter of business, or special concern to 
your friend. 

A woman's regular reception day 
should, if possible, be selected for the call. 
Otherwise one must take the chance of 



48 Cards and Calling. 

finding her " at home," as in the case of a 
woman who has no set date for receiving. 
Of course, it sometimes happens that such 
is precisely the condition of affairs for 
which one hopes when pressed for time 
and obliged to make cards serve the pur- 
pose in many cases. 

The servant who admits a visitor should 
always know positively whether or not the 
lady is receiving. To admit one to the 
drawing-room and after enquiry return 
with excuses, entails quite unnecessary 
waste of time, and embarrassment, or an- 
noyance. The servant who opens the 
door should be in a position to take a 
caller's card with the assurance that she 
may see the lady, or to state unequivocally 
that she is " not at home." There are pe- 
riodical discussions of the ethical ques- 
tion involved in the use of this expression 
when the person referred to is actually in 
the house. It seems to be rather too 



Cards and Calling. 49 

trivial a point for serious consideration. 
Everyone knows that it is merely a form of 
speech which has a generally accepted con- 
ventional meaning. Its use is no more im- 
moral than that of the common phrase, 
" Very well, thank you! " when, as a mat- 
ter of fact, the speaker is hardly ever very 
well. It cannot, however, be denied that 
the announcement sometimes falls upon 
the ear w 7 ith a suggestion of coldness or 
brusqueness, which might easily be 
avoided. A more satisfactory form of an- 
nouncement is, " Mrs. is very much 

engaged and begs to be excused to all 
callers, " or, " Mrs. regrets her ina- 

bility to receive any visitors to-day." 

Persons taking up residence in a city 
or in a locality of it distant from their 
former abode send their cards, as soon as 
they are settled, to such acquaintances as 
they may have in the place and await their 

calls, which should be made without delay. 

4 



50 Cards and Calling. 

If the newcomers be entire strangers, 
they must await the initiative of the resi- 
dents. 

First calls must be returned, and the per- 
son who initiated the acquaintanceship 
must make a second call, but at that stage 
the acquaintance may be dropt without af- 
fording any just cause for offense. Only 
those unused to social observances are 
touchy on such points. Others know that 
they may frequently begin an acquaintance- 
ship which the other party to it is obliged 
by circumstances to terminate, although 
often with sincere regret. 

First calls should be returned within two 
weeks. If one has received an invitation 
from a new acquaintance, a card should be 
left immediately in recognition of it, and a 
call made within a week of the entertain- 
ment. 

A call of condolence upon a mere ac- 
quaintance is apt to be the source of unneo 



Cards and Calling. 51 

essary embarrassment. The conventional 
card left at the house, or mailed to it, is 
sufficient in such cases. One should, how- 
ever, call upon bereaved friends two or 
three weeks after the funeral. Only in- 
timates may venture upon any expressions 
of sorrow or condolence, other than the 
most brief, but these should, in conjunction 
with the demeanor, carry conviction of 
one's sincerity. Tact must be the guide in 
what is always a trying situation. 

Aside from the conventional card calls, 
one should make a point of visiting each 
of one's acquaintances once a year at least. 
Many women can not do this and resort 
to the convenient expedient of giving an 
annual reception, to which the entire circle 
is invited. This will not, however, dis- 
charge your obligation to women whose 
cards name a regular day " at home." It 
is universally recognized that ladies who 
make such provision for the convenience 



52 Cards and Calling. 

of their acquaintances are entitled to spe- 
cial recognition. 

The imuerative calls, from which there 
is no escape and should be no desire to es- 
cape, are those which must be made within 
a fortnight of a ball, dinner, opera party, 
or other hospitality to a limited number of 
guests. The invitation to a reception, af- 
ternoon tea, anniversary celebration, or 
similar occasion imposes the obligation of 
a call, but your presence at the function 
discharges it. 

Bridesmaids, ushers, and all others who 
have taken part in a wedding, as well as 
those who received invitations to the 
house, call upon the mother of the bride 
shortly after the ceremony and upon the 
bride as soon as she is " at home." 

It is hardly necessary to say that a wo- 
man must be in the drawing room by three 
o'clock of her reception day, dressed and 
ready to receive her first guest. The ser- 



Cards and Calling. 53 

vant who opens the door presents a tray 
for the visitor's card; if a man-servant he 
announces the caller at the drawing-room 
door. If a maid is on duty, she ushers 
the visitor into the drawing-room, but 
without making any announcement. The 
hostess rises (unless she is behind the tea 
table) and shakes hands with the arrival, 
introducing her to those who are already 
in the room, or, if there are many present, 
to a few of those nearest. Tea and wa- 
fers, or other friandises, are served after 
four o'clock on stated reception days and 
on others they are generally offered to 
chance callers. Americans now take after- 
noon tea, irrespective of visitors, with 
almost the regularity of Englishwomen. 

The hostess rises to shake hands with 
departing vistors and remains standing un- 
til they have turned about to leave the 
room. A cordial expression of the pleas- 
ure experienced from the visit should never 



54 Cards and Calling. 

be omitted by the hostess. When she is 
the only visitor on an off-day, a hostess 
may accompany a friend to the door, and 
the act is appreciated as indicative of sin- 
cere regard. 

The foregoing applies to conventional 
custom. All of us are blessed with 
friends who are privileged to call upon us 
in the evening and these visits are the 
most really enjoyable we receive. 



DRESS— ITS ETHICS. 



It is entirely proper and natural that 
every woman should desire to be well 
dressed. The esthetic sense that prompts 
the wish for beautiful garments, becoming 
hats, and shapely shoes, is commendable. 
" How exquisitely absurd, " says Sydney 
Smith, " to tell a girl that beauty is of 
no value; dress of no use. Beauty is of 
value; her whole prospects and happi- 
ness in life may often depend upon a new 
gown or a becoming bonnet and, if she has 
five grains of common sense, she will find 
this out. The great thing is to teach her 
their value and that there must be some- 
thing better under the bonnet than a 

55 



56 Dress — Its Ethics. 

pretty face, If she would have real and 
lasting happiness." 

The regulations of society governing 
dress are primarily designed for the pro- 
tection and convenience of the many. 
They have the object of producing order- 
liness and economy. It is, however, quite 
conceivable that these regulations, despite 
their utilitarian character, may become 
onerous and there are many who profess to 
see in the present tendency a grave menace 
to our moral well-being. It is beyond dis- 
pute that the ordinary demands of dress 
are already such as to fall heavily upon 
many who are required to comply with 
them. Somewhere between the line of 
necessity, as represented by the classic 
chiton, and limitless profusion there must 
be a middle-ground on which economy 
and elegance may compromise. Did our 
grandmothers occupy it, with their com- 
paratively few garments and more stable 



Dress — Its Ethics. 57 

fashions? If so, we have left it far be- 
hind and are bound for a region still more 
distant. Whether this movement be due 
to the encouragement of our men, to the 
independent expansion of our ideas, to the 
mercenary machinations of milliners, or, 
which is most probable, to the interacting 
effect of all these factors, is not of imme- 
diate consequence. The more important 
consideration is the question of remedy, 
and that would appear to be almost 
equally difficult to determine. 

I fancy that the majority of my readers 
will be disposed to admit that attention to 
dress is, in the present day, carried to a 
point where it threatens to involve all 
classes in extravagant expenditures of time 
and money. Thousands of women con- 
trive to maintain the standard of their so- 
cial positons in this respect only by deny- 
ing themselves in the matter of substan- 
tial comforts or intellectual indulgence. A 



58 Dress — Its Ethics. 

case of this sort came to my knowledge not 
long ago. I called upon an intimate 
friend, a lady of unusual educational at- 
tainments and literary tastes. I found her 
sorely perplexed about the purchase of a 
certain historical work, the price of which 
was about one hundred dollars. She 
wanted the books so much but she also 
needed a new dinner gown and she de- 
cided the question in the following con- 
scientious fashion. 11 I can not afford both. 
I have made it a rule never to exceed my 
allowance. If I take the books it is solely 
for my own enjoyment, for Harry cares 
nothing for such subjects. On the other 
hand both he and I shall derive enjoyment 
from the dress and my duty undoubtedly 
points to its purchase." Of course she 
did not express herself in this Sanford and 
Merton style, but her reasons, frankly 
stated to me, an accustomed confidant, may 
be so summed up. But is it not a pity 



Dress — Its Ethics. 59 

that such decisions are necessary? I am 
sure that very many, like my friend, have 
had to make them. 

Our professional men are required to 
spend too much in clothing their wives and 
daughters, and women who are obliged to 
work for a livelihood commonly devote 
too large a proportion of a slender income 
to personal adornment. A woman of 
average means, who conforms to the ordi- 
nary course of society, must be impressed, 
if she considers the matter at all, with the 
proportionally large amount of the family 
income that goes to meet milliners' and 
dressmakers' bills. She will be forced to 
confess that the outlay entails not a little 
waste. In the matter of her gowns and 
hats especially, seldom does she get her 
money's worth. Our styles are deliber- 
ately designed to render the garments of 
one season useless in the next. We do not 
set the fashion, nor even control it, as is 



6o Dress — Its Ethics. 



evidenced by the fact that it is often outre 
and sometimes vulgar. We complaisantly 
comply with the dictates of a few self-con- 
stituted arbiters, who are actuated solely 
by commercial considerations. As a mat- 
ter of course we permit them to foist upon 
us fashions that distort our forms and in- 
sult our intelligence. At the expense of 
our health, our comfort and our purse, we 
submit to the most extreme changes. We 
do all this not only willingly, but with 
pleasure, for the love of novelty is so great 
in all of us that we will cheerfully make 
substantial sacrifices for the sake of it. Of 
course, if we are satisfied to pay the price 
there is no more to be said about the mat- 
ter, but if not — if we desire to dress well 
and yet with reasonable economy, we must 
effect a reform in the kaleidoscopic charac- 
ter of our clothing; some concession to 
common sense and reasonable economy 
that will permit of our wearing our 



Dress — Its Ethics. 



61 



gowns, if not actually as long as they look 
well, at least more than a dozen times in 
a brief season. It is only in this direction 
that we may look for relief. Even though 
we could, it would not be desirable to re- 
duce the number of different costumes 
prescribed for various occasions, and we 
may not meet the exactions of quantity 
by a sacrifice of quality. The clothing of 
a lady — all of it — must be well-fitting 
and of good material. The former is the 
first of all considerations. 

The American woman has a genius for 
dress and the valuable adjuncts of sym- 
metrical figure and graceful carriage. 
With these pronounced advantages she 
should exercise a greater degree of inde- 
pendence — a larger measure of individ- 
uality. Not that she is lacking in this re- 
spect but, with natural taste and the cour- 
age of originality, she should excel the 
Frenchwoman and lead her sex — as I be- 



62 Dress— Its Ethics. 



lieve she will eventually — in the matter 
of dress. 

Without invading the precincts of ec- 
centricity, a woman may make tolerably 
wide excursions from the domain of fash- 
ion. Indeed, none of us can faithfully fol- 
low fashion without at some time present- 
ing a ridiculous figure to the world. But 
we need not restrict ourselves to the rejec- 
tion of styles that create an impossible 
conflict with our peculiar physical charac- 
teristics. We can and should adapt and 
modify every fashion freely to bring it 
into harmony with our personal form and 
features. Good taste and good judgment 
are requisite to success, but we generally 
possess a fair share of these and they 
would develop with increased exercise. In 
any case, such independent action could 
hardly produce more incongruous results 
than one constantly sees displayed in the 
person of a slavish disciple of fashion. 



Dress — Its Ethics. 63 

Our artists, and especially our illustra- 
tors, constantly convey hints of the possi- 
bilities in this direction. For instance : 
" the Gibson girl " is always stylish and 
yet never in style. Her frock never con- 
forms to a pronounced fashion though it 
may present the idealization of some such. 
But the " Gibson girl " is nothing if not 
chic, and much of this quality is due to the 
element of originality in her dress. 

Whilst individuality is decidedly desir- 
able, it should not even remotely approach 
oddity. Extremes of all kinds are to be 
avoided. Fortunate, indeed, is the wo- 
man who knows her own points, good and 
bad, knows what will become her and what 
not, so that she is independent of the 
doubtful advice of milliners and salesmen, 
and may with confidence decide the details 
of her dress. But to do this to perfec- 
tion, a woman must be not only an artist, 
but also, that rarest cf all beings, a just 



64 Dress — Its Ethics. 



and impartial self-critic. I know several 
such women who spend, perhaps, half as 
much as others upon their clothing and 
look twice as well. 

Among Englishwomen good taste in 
dress is a rare quality, and seems to be 
almost limited to the upper class. Until 
a few ladies of talent took up the business 
of dressmaking about ten years ago, the 
mass of Englishwomen were shockingly ill- 
dressed. There has been a marked 
change for the better in the past decade. 
Good dressmakers are numerous with 
us — and so also are bad ones. This is 
due to the fact that in our American cities 
the demand is greatly in excess of the sup- 
ply. Women of the middle class in Eng- 
land, who are dependent upon moderate in- 
comes, make many of their own dresses, 
despite their limited ability. Here a wo- 
man in similar circumstances, engages a 
dressmaker, notwithstanding that she is 



Dress — Its Ethics. 65 

herself often more capable than the per- 
son employed. 

Our girls should all be taught the art of 
dressmaking, not merely sewing, but de- 
signing, cutting, trimming, effects of color, 
possibilities of material and the rest. This, 
with knowledge of millinery and cookery, 
will equip the average girl for life much 
more effectually than proficiency in music, 
painting and languages. Of course a 
smattering of all these is possible, but not 
such thoroughness as I have in mind, and 
if a choice is to be made between what are 
usually termed " accomplishments " and 
more substantial attainments, it had better 
be in favor of the latter if ultimate hap- 
piness is the object aimed at. 

I am acquainted with the family of a 
physician, whose w T ife is an active member 
of the best society of one of our largest 
cities. With the aid of a seamstress, she 
makes all her dresses (excepting one 
5 



66 Dress — Its Ethics. 



tailor-made suit a year) and those of her 
two young daughters. Whilst she main- 
tains the reputation of being a very well- 
dressed woman, I have no doubt she saves 
in the matter of clothing five hundred dol- 
lars a year and enjoys, to a proportionate 
extent, luxuries from which she v/ould 
otherwise be debarred. This is an excep- 
tional case, but why should it be so? The 
lady in question was born to a good social 
position and the untimely death of her 
father left her mother in straitened circum- 
stances. The girl loved dress, but she 
hated sewing. In order to indulge her 
desire for one it was necessary to overcome 
her repugnance for the other. Her 
mother put her in the way of receiving 
thorough instruction. Without any spe- 
cial aptitude she became an expert dress- 
maker and now she really finds the greatest 
pleasure in practising the art. It is no 
longer of any particular consequence 



Dress — Its Ethics. 67 

whether or not she makes her own clothes. 
There was a time, however, which she re- 
calls with unfailing pride and pleasure, 
when her ability to dress well at compara- 
tively little expense was an important fac- 
tor in the success of a struggling young 
doctor. This lady has absolutely no prac- 
tical knowledge of music and she often 
confesses with glee that she " never could 
paint an Easter egg to satisfy a baby," but 
she blesses the maternal forethought to 
which she owes her knowledge of dress- 
making — and cooking, by-the-way a 

No woman of refinement will neglect 
her personal appearance. She will be 
clean, kempt and becomingly attired, at 
all times. Self-respect and consideration 
for others demand it. Despite restricted 
means and physical disadvantages, any 
woman can maintain an attractive exterior 
and she should strive to do so under all cir- 
cumstances. She is sadly lacking in a sense 



68 Dress — Its Ethics. 



of fitness who neglects her appearance at 
home and dresses only for society. In 
fact her first and chief endeavor should be 
to present a pleasing picture to her family. 

Many a domestic tragedy has had its 
beginning in a dressing sacque. A woman 
can not afford after marriage to neglect 
the accessories that attracted her husband 
before it. But the consideration for him 
that will prompt her to make a good figure 
in her social circle should restrain her from 
extravagance. 



DRESS— PRACTICAL HINTS. 



Women's dress, like that of men, natu- 
rally falls under two main divisions, those 
of morning and evening dress. Morning 
dress is that which is worn up to dinner 
time and includes the appropriate costumes 
for walking, driving, luncheon, calling, af- 
ternoon receptions, etc. Evening dress 
embraces the gowns worn at dinner, ball, 
opera, concert, etc. The variety and num- 
ber of distinctions that may appropriately 
be observed by anyone who can afford 
them are infinite, but not at all requisite to 
good form. It is quite possible for a 
woman to meet the demands of ordinary 
society with three dresses, supplemented 
by two or three extra bodices. Where the 

69 



jo Dress — Practical Hints. 

knack of management exists a woman may 
present an appearance of being much bet- 
ter dressed than another who has more 
clothes and less judgment. 

Silk, satin, and velvet, upon the street 
are distinctly bad form. In a carriage, of 
course, costumes of such material are in 
place, just as an elaborate sunshade is, but 
en pied they should be restricted to the 
bodice of a calling dress. 

When bent on business or shopping, 
that is, during the forepart of the day, the 
chief characteristic of the dress should be 
subdued elegance. The colors of suit and 
hat should be dark and their styles incon- 
spicuous. One's aim is to pass about 
freely among strangers without attracting 
attention. I am aware that in these days 
this fundamental principle of good breed- 
ing is frequently violated by women of un- 
questionable social position and it is be- 
coming no strange thing to see such a one 



Dress — Practical Hints. 71 

parading — I can use no more appropriate 
word — in attire that appears to be delib- 
erately calculated to attract the gaze of the 
casual passer-by. There need, however, 
be no fear that such an essentially vulgar 
practice can ever become a vogue. 

The boots are serviceable, thick-soled 
calf and the gloves, comfortably fitting 
dog-skin. 

The skirts should fall free of the 
ground. The filthy fashion of a few 
years ago of wearing trailing skirts upon 
the streets will, it is to be hoped, never 
return. At first reform displayed a ten- 
dency to extreme curtailment, but at pres- 
ent w r e observe a happy medium, allow- 
ing the skirt to hang at a comfortable 
length, safely clear of the ground. Un- 
fortunately, a fashion, no matter how 
excellent, is seldom allowed to remain un- 
disturbed for any great length of time. 
Let us hope that any change in the length 



72 Dress — Practical Hints. 



of our walking dresses will not be in the 
downward direction. We had much bet- 
ter wear them above our ankles than drag- 
ging in the dirt. 

The material of a morning dress need 
not be expensive but should be unques- 
tionably good. Fit of course is a sine qua 
non. The predominating effect is that of 
being fresh and natty — 14 well-groomed," 
as men call it. 

The ordinary calling, or afternoon, 
dress, is also of cloth, but of a lighter 
shade. When the jacket is removed with- 
in doors, a dressy bodice should be re- 
vealed. The hat may be somewhat more 
ornate than that worn in the morning, but 
it must still have the character of what the 
French call un chapeau de fatigue, that is 
a service hat as distinguished from a dress 
hat. The walking boots give place to 
patent-leather shoes and well-fitting white, 
or very pale kid gloves supplant the heav- 



Dress — Practical Hints. 73 

ier variety. This is the correct attire for 
formal visiting, matinee performances and 
afternoon functions in general. 

Many of us can not afford to keep two 
tailor-made suits in service at one time and 
we get along very well with one of a dark- 
ish shade, changing the accessories to suit 
the occasion. 

Much more elaborate and striking cos- 
tumes of richer material are permissible in 
the semi-privacy of the carriage. The 
regulations on this subject are based on 
the instinctive horror of " making a show 
of herself " which every refined woman 
must entertain. 

Practically no jewelry is worn purely for 
ornament in the daytime. The pins and 
buckles of gold and silver that serve useful 
purposes in the dress should be plain and 
unobtrusive. If any gem is worn, it must 
be only a dark stone. Diamonds should 
never be in evidence before evening. Our 



74 Dress — Practical Hints. 

mothers, with perfect good taste, made this 
rule apply even to their finger rings. 

The costume we have under considera- 
tion is that worn by guests at luncheons 
and afternoon receptions. The hostess on 
such occasions w T ears a high-necked and 
long-sleeved gown of silk, velvet, or other 
rich material made with a moderate train 
and a trimmed bodice. Those assisting 
her in receiving are similarly attired. 
They do not wear hats and may if they 
choose dispense with gloves. The present 
tendency is to do so. Jewelry may be 
worn by a hostess at an afternoon reception 
but good form demands that it be in ex- 
treme moderation. Guests remove their 
wraps in the hall if not shown to a dressing 
room, but retain their hats and gloves. { 

The distinctive characteristic of what is 
termed " full dress " is a low cut bodice 
with very short sleeves. It is worn at 
balls, dinners, and other formal evening 



Dress — Practical Hints. 75 

entertainments at private houses, and in 
public, so far as American custom extends, 
only in an opera box. It is the invariable 
costume for a formal dinner, but it is per- 
missible to elderly, or delicate women, to 
cover the neck and arms with guimpe and 
sleeves of lace, or other semi-transparent 
material. The gown must be en traine, 
but this feature is comparatively moderate 
now-a-days. The range of materials and 
of styles is of course almost limitless. A 
young girl should always be clad in simple 
style and inexpensive material. A dow- 
ager's dress is also often more effective for 
simplicity, but it may with perfect pro- 
priety be as rich as she pleases. To a 
young married woman is allowed the 
greatest amount of scope in both direc- 
tions. The hair is dressed with the same 
elaboration as for a ball. Jewels are 
worn freely but not to the same extent as 
at a ball. Patent-leather shoes, or satin 



76 Dress — Practical Hints. 

slippers, cover the feet. Guests wear 
gloves to the table and afterwards in the 
drawing-room, but the latter is not a re- 
quirement. The hostess may dispense 
with them altogether if she pleases. 
Some women invariably dress en grande 
tenue, even though none but the immediate 
family are to be present. This is excep- 
tional, but one must make some change of 
costume for the evening, if it be but the 
substitution for the cloth street suit of a 
simple house dress of organdie, or muslin. 

Less formal dinner dresses are of black 
net, or lace, cut low with short sleeves, or 
high-necked dresses of black tulle or lace; 
silk or satin; or skirts of the latter mate- 
rial may be combined with elaborate waists 
of chiffon, lace, or other soft stuff. Satin 
slippers are not in harmony with this kind 
of attire, but gloves are a part of it. 

A decollete gown is not good form, ac- 
cording to our ideas, in a hotel dining 



Dress — Practical Hints. 77 

room or public restaurant. The costume 
described for informal dinners, with the 
addition of the hat, is the proper thing 
under such circumstances. A woman 
who dines at a hotel when dressed for the 
opera generally contrives to drape her 
shoulders with some gossamer stuff during 
the meal. 

Matrons of mature years look best in 
the darker shades and the simpler styles of 
gowns. What they forego in garnishment 
is usually compensated for in richness of 
material, and the tout ensemble conveys an 
impression of good taste and dignity. 

Abroad decollete gowns are worn in 
public with a freedom which is quite un- 
known to us. In an English theatre, or 
concert hall, the stalls will be filled with 
women in low-necked dresses and they may 
be seen similarly attired even in the fash- 
ionable restaurants. All this is tabu with 
us. The one place in which the public ex- 



78 Dress — Practical Hints. 

hibition of full dress is permissible is the 
opera box. Elsewhere at the opera the 
low bodice may be worn, if filled in 
with something transparent and long 
sleeves of the same material attached. 
But even this is not good form at the thea- 
tre, or concert, where high-necked dresses 
are worn exclusively. The proper attire 
for such occasions is practically the same as 
that described as the informal dinner cos- 
tume. Jewelry should be used sparingly, 
although in a box at the opera it is custom- 
ary to exercise all the license allowed in the 
ball-room in this respect. Aside from the 
boxes, hats are no longer worn in any part 
of the auditorium. A little latitude is al- 
lowed in this matter during matinee per- 
formances, provided indulgence interferes 
with no one's convenience. Hats are usu- 
ally worn to the theatre in the evening, but 
they should be removed from the head be- 
fore the curtain rises, unless one occupies 



Dress — Practical Hints. 79 

a box, where of course the reason of the 
regulation can not apply. 

The ball dress is essentially the same as 
that of the formal dinner, and with many 
of us it is of necessity identically the same. 
The ensemble, so far as a married woman 
is concerned, is contrived with as much 
elaboration as possible. There is no limit 
to the jewelry that may be worn and most 
women wear all they possess on such an 
occasion. A fan, or bouquet, perhaps 
both, is carried. The hair is dressed in 
the most effective manner possible and a 
jeweled ornament, or one of feathers, is 
placed in it. Full length white kid gloves 
and satin slippers to match the gown, or 
those of patent-leather, complete the cos- 
tume. There is hardly any limit to the 
variety of kinds and qualities in the ma- 
terials available for a ball dress and it may 
be as simple, or as complex, in design as 
♦ the wearer's taste may dictate. The same 



8o Dress — Practical Hints. 



dress may be worn at a less formal dance 
with some reduction in the elaboration of 
the accessories, and especially the jewelry. 

The foregoing is written with matrons in 
mind. The display that is consistent with 
their position and in harmony with their 
maturity would be very unbecoming to 
young girls. The chief characteristics of 
their frocks should be freshness and sim- 
plicity. Rich or heavy materials are not 
employed and jewelry should be entirely 
eschewed, or restricted to a simple pend- 
ant, or a string of pearls. The less arti- 
fice is apparent in the attire of a young 
girl, the more prominently her natural 
purity stands out. 

The debutante at her first ball generally 
wears white. That, or some light color in 
one of the many diaphanous materials 
available, makes the most dainty and at- 
tractive toilet possible for a girl. 

On this subject, Mrs. Burton Kingsland 



Dress— Practical Hints. 81 



in her " Etiquette for All Occasions," ex- 
presses my own ideas so much more grace- 
fully and forcibly than I could hope to 
express them myself, that no apology to 
the reader can be necessary for a lengthy 
quotation: " It is the reversal of the tradi- 
tions and proprieties when a mother 
dresses her daughters in a more expensive 
style than herself. A young girl rarely 
sees charm in simplicity, and does not 
know that she is lovelier without orna- 
ment. One is young but once. In France, 
where the reverend admiration of the 
' jeune fille ' amounts almost to a cult, she 
is never permitted to wear a diamond, a 
bit of rich lace, or even a feather, although 
recently the stringency of this rule has been 
somewhat relaxed. With us there is often 
little distinction between the attire of six- 
teen and sixty. To tell a girl that any- 
thing ultra-fashionable is in bad taste usu- 
ally has little effect, but educating her 

6 



82 Dress — Practical Hints. 



sense of the artistic in dress will under- 
mine her fondness for extremes. The 
question of becomingness should , of 
course, be taken into consideration, but 
there is a line which, if passed, shows 
a desire to attract attention that is a re- 
pulsive trait in a young girl. 4 She should 
be dainty as a picture, lovely as a poem.' 
This old world has its ideals and she is 
one. The grace of unconsciousness makes 
her more charming than faultless ap- 
parel;' 

In summer, convention makes many 
concessions to comfort, and as the season 
is likely to be spent in the country, greater 
freedom in the matter of dress is easily 
attainable. The major part of the day 
is passed in shirt-waists and wash-skirts, 
with serviceable straw, or soft cloth, 
hats and walking boots. Gloves are 
frequently discarded on ordinary occa- 
sions, but the practice is not commend- 



Dress — Practical Hints. 83 

able. We are constantly required to 
sacrifice comfort to conventionality and 
the discipline is good for us. When 
we commence to move in the reverse direc- 
tion, it is impossible to tell where we shall 
stop. Even in summer, and at the coun- 
try, propriety demands a certain degree of 
formality to conform with the exigencies 
of special circumstances, and good taste 
and judgment must, in the absence of rules, 
guide one to proper conduct. For in- 
stance, one should not, although it is too 
often done, go to church in the knock- 
about clothes one wears to picnics or in 
rambles. And so any girl with a modi- 
cum of taste will hardly need to be told 
that a luncheon, or garden-party, calls for 
a pretty frock of foulard, dotted Swiss, 
flowered organdie, or some such material, 
with a flower-trimmed Leghorn hat, a 
fluffy sunshade and white gloves. 

The sense of fitness, which most of us 



84 Dress — Practical Hints. 

have in some degree, and all of us should 
cultivate as a highly valuable quality, will 
prompt us to make appropriate modifica- 
tions in our dress to harmonize with the 
spirit of special occasions. Natural sym- 
pathy will suggest bright attire for a 
christening and some indication of sorrow 
in the dress we wear to a funeral. At 
church, a woman's dress and hat should be 
simple and subdued. It ought not to be 
necessary to make such a statement as this, 
and it may appear banal to those who have 
a proper appreciation of the solemnity of 
divine service. But who, that has at- 
tended any of our fashionable churches, 
has failed to observe frequent violations 
of propriety in this respect, on the part of 
persons who might be expected to set bet- 
ter examples to their less favored sisters. 

In the privacy of our homes we dispense 
with many customary formalities, but we 
should beware of allowing the natural re- 



j 

Dress— Practical Hints. 85 

laxation to lead us into negligence. Self- 
respect and consideration for other mem- 
bers of the household create a line beyond 
which we should never transgress. The 
boundary may differ somewhat in every 
house, but the great thing is that in each 
home there be an understood region of 
forbidden indulgence. 

It is deemed permissible in a married 
woman — never in an unmarried girl — 
to wear a wrapper at breakfast, or until 
mid-day. The garment must be fresh and 
pretty, but there always attaches to it a 
degree of neglige that a young woman 
should never exhibit outside her bedroom, 
or boudoir. A white, or very light, shirt- 
waist dress of washable material, provided 
it is perfectly clean and uncreased, is a 
much more attractive informal morning 
dress and is capable of imparting quite a 
smart appearance. 

In the matter of dress, as in most other 



86 Dress — Practical Hints. 



affairs of life, good taste, which includes 
a sense of propriety, must be our chief re- 
liance, for the conventional regulations of 
society are no more than guide-posts. 
They will point the main roads to us, but 
can not be depended upon to carry us along 
them, nor to show us the way in the occa- 
sional by-paths which we must take. But 
as the guide-post infallibly marks the gen- 
eral direction, so will the principle that un- 
derlies each important conventionality af- 
ford a solution to every unusual question 
that may confront us, and sometimes, un- 
der the most unpromising circumstances, 
enable us to 



" Snatch a grace beyond the reach of 
art." 



CORRESPONDENCE AND 
READING. 



I have in my possession a sheaf of let- 
ters, written almost one hundred years ago 
by a girl of sixteen to her mother, during a 
period spent at school in England. 
These letters are the frank and spontane- 
ous expression of the thoughts and feelings 
of an impressionable girl. They are 
sometimes ungrammatical, but natural 
always. The writer's experiences are re- 
lated with a simple directness which is 
charming, and the ideas produced by them 
are given with a delightful naivete. 
There is not even a soupcon of egotism 
about these recitals of personal experi- 
ence, but quite unconsciously the writer 

87 



88 Correspondence and Reading. 

reveals herself in the faded pages, so that 
a stranger to her history might read her 
character between the lines. 

Our girls do not write such letters now- 
a-days, the more's the pity. But why 
should they not? It is an easy matter and 
surely a desirable. We expect our 
friend, or child, to speak to us frankly and 
naturally. Why should they write to us 
in strange stilted terms devoid of ideas and 
interest? We long, in vain, for some 
touch of individuality in a letter. Even 
the handwriting follows a stereotyped style 
and the signature is necessary to identify 
the author. 

Strangely enough, when one thinks how 
rare it is, the production of a good letter 
is one of the most simple things imagin- 
able. It only needs that the writer assume 
a natural mental attitude and write as she 
would talk, avoiding overmuch thought to 
the diction and choosing her subjects as 



Correspondence and Reading. 89 

they come to her mind. A slight gram- 
matical solecism sometimes gives a pleas- 
ing point to an expression and the* recital 
of the most commonplace incident may be 
made intensely interesting. The letters to 
which I have referred comprise a mere 
account of the routine life of a young girl 
in a foreign boarding school, yet they are 
replete with human interest. Even the 
crudeness is pleasing, for it is natural and 
the essential ground color of the picture. 

In the days when letter writing was a 
cherished art, its cultivation was universal 
on the part of educated persons. A con- 
stant interchange of well-written letters 
prevailed. When newspapers were less 
numerous and less informing, people de- 
pended to a considerable extent upon their 
correspondents for the news of the day, 
and when postage was a serious expense 
a letter assumed an importance that no 
longer attaches to it. Now we only write 



go Correspondence and Reading. 

notes and these are seldom what they 
should be. How often they display signs 
of hasty composition and even contain mis- 
statements and errors of consequence due 
to carelessness. Only too frequently the 
" answer M to your letter is not at all what 
it purports to be. The question you asked 
and which was the principal raison d'etre 
of your communication is utterly ignored, 
not from design, but simply because of the 
lack of system on the part of the writer. 
These omissions are so exasperating to the 
victims of them that I would strongly im- 
press upon my readers the importance of 
replying to letters with reasonable prompt- 
itude and of making sure of compliance 
with all requests contained in them, as far 
as practicable. The woman who will re- 
spond to our spoken wish with alacrity is 
apt to slight a written request, but the fact 
that it has been made the subject of a let- 
ter generally denotes an unusual degree of 



Correspondence and Reading. 91 

urgency and desire. That is — and this 
raises another point — if the writer takes 
herself seriously and exercises judgment in 
framing her letters. Many of us have a 
bad habit of asking questions that we do 
not expect or wish to be answered and of 
making casual demands upon our friends 
that will entail unnecessary trouble upon 
them. Not long since a dear young friend 
of mine wrote to ask me whether I would, 
when in New York, go to a certain shop 
and secure one of its catalogues for her. 
Just think of the trouble I was asked to 
take in a matter that the writer might have 
managed satisfactorily by merely address- 
ing her request to the concern in question. 
The note must have impressed me as being 
impertinent had I not felt sure that it was 
the result of thoughtlessness. But, will it 
be surprising if I treat requests by the same 
correspondent more lightly than I other- 
wise would? I shall always feel that she 



92 Correspondence and Reading. 

is likely to make trivial applications with- 
out due consideration. The exercise of 
proper discrimination will soon convince 
your friends that you weigh what you write 
and they will learn to treat your letters 
seriously. 

A great deal that is said in the follow- 
ing pages with regard to conversation ap- 
plies, with necessary modifications, to cor- 
respondence. Habitual care needs to be 
exercised in letter writing if you would 
avoid annoying mistakes and misunder- 
standings. The written expression often 
conveys a different impression from that 
intended. Therefore, and for the purpose 
of guarding against clerical errors, you 
should make an unfailing rule of reading 
every letter before dispatch. It is good 
practice to allow 7 an interval to elapse be- 
tween the writing and the final reading, 
especially if the letter has been indited un- 
der stress of any unusual emotion. 



Correspondence and Reading. 93 

Be chary of confidential communications. 
The friendship of women, and particularly 
girls, is inclined to be fickle. Your confi- 
dante of to-day may not be on speaking 
terms with you next week. Avoid criti- 
cism of your acquaintances. It seems even 
less gracious in the cold characters of the 
written page than when delivered from the 
lips. Do not write grudgingly to your 
friend. Who has not felt the chilling ef- 
fect of the hurriedly scrawled note, which 
after an apology for tardiness goes 
on to say that the writer is oppressed 
by social and domestic duties and ends with 
an abrupt expression of regret for its brev- 
ity, if not with that almost insulting ter- 
mination: " Yours in haste. " The sum 
and substance of such a note seems to be : 
" You are really a nuisance, but I must 
make some show of being ordinarily po- 
lite to you." 

Correspondence is an essential part of 



94 Correspondence and Reading. 

our social duty and its proper performance 
may not be slighted without unpleasant 
consequences. The easiest and most sat- 
isfactory way of disposing of the matter, 
is to have a fixed time for letter writing 
and usually the hour following breakfast 
is the most convenient. It may happen 
that unusual circumstances, illness in the 
house, the presence of visitors, or what 
not, prevents an adequate reply to a letter 
within reasonable time of its receipt. In 
such a case acknowledge the communica- 
tion and the pleasure it has afforded you, 
and explain briefly the reason why you can 
not answer it fittingly at once. If your 
correspondent is a person considerably 
older than yourself, ordinary respect de- 
mands such a course; if she be about your 
own age, it is the least acknowledgment 
you can make of her kindness. Should 
your correspondence become too onerous 
to permit of proper treatment, the only 



Correspondence and Reading. 95 

sensible remedy lies in a judicious curtail- 
ment of the number of your correspon- 
dents. Better have fewer and accord to 
them their deserts than a greater number 
and neglect them. The conventionalities 
attaching to correspondence are few and 
easily mastered. 

Styles in note paper change from time 
to time, but the correct thing can always 
be ascertained from a first-class stationer. 
The material should invariably be of good 
quality. White is unexceptionable and 
any color other than a pale gray or blue 
tint is in bad form. The mourning bor- 
der is still used, though not so obtrusively 
as formerly, but many persons restrict 
themselves, with good taste, to a black 
monogram. 

Crests and arms are tabu amongst peo- 
ple of breeding in this country. A simple 
monogram is permissible and the address 
may be printed or embossed on the paper. 



g6 Correspondence and Reading. 

There is a constantly growing laxity in 
the use of postal cards, even among per- 
sons of professed good taste. A postal 
card may be used for a business purpose or 
when addressing servants, but it should 
never be allowed to serve as a substitute 
for a social note. The communication 
committed to such a medium should lack 
the usual form of salutation and be signed 
merely with initials, unless the full name is 
necessary to the identity of the writer. 

Every letter should be neat, free from 
blots, smears, erasures, and all indications 
of haste. Custom taboos the use of fig- 
ures and requires the spelling out of all nu- 
merals, the year being usually omitted 
from social notes. 

In America, " Dear Mrs. Blank " is con- 
sidered less formal than " My dear Mrs. 
Blank. " There does not appear to be any 
logical ground for this and the reverse 
acceptation obtains in England. To quote 



Correspondence and Reading. 97 

from " Good Form for Men:" ''Legi- 
bility is the most important characteristic 
of handwriting. It is a mistake to imag- 
ine that it necessarily entails any sacrifice 
of individuality. Punctuation and capitali- 
zation should be carefully attended to. 
Abbreviations are, with a few exceptions, 
inelegant in private correspondence. Such 
words as Doctor, January, United States, 
West, Colorado, etc., should be spelled 
out. On the other hand, Mr., M. P., B. 
A., N. Y. A. C, etc., may be written in 
the shortened form." " The term 4 Es- 
quire ' has long since lost its original sig- 
nificance, and it is quite good form to ap- 
ply it to any gentleman in addressing a 
letter to him. This suffix is, however, less 
generally used in America than the prefix 
4 Mr.' Many employ the latter in all busi- 
ness correspondence, and the former when 
the missive is of a social character. There 

is no definite rule governing the matter." 
7 



98 Correspondence and Reading. 

" The style k Rev. James T. Barrington, 
D. D.,' is decidedly more elegant than 
'Dr. James T. Barrington;' and so with 
1 L. D. Sampson, Esq., M. D./ and ' Dr. 
L. D. Sampson/ In business correspon- 
dence 1 Dear Sirs : ' is preferable to 1 Gen- 
tlemen/ " 

" Never sign your letter with your 
Christian name only, unless it is addressed 
to a person who is in the habit of employ- 
ing that name in conversation with you/' 

"The ending of a social letter should 
be k Sincerely yours/ % Truly yours 1 
should be reserved for business correspond- 
ence. Never, in addressing a woman, 
give her the title of her husband, such as 
k Mrs. Colonel Stone,' or ' Mrs. Doctor 
Mason/ An envelope destined for a mar- 
ried woman should carry her husband's 
Christ! an name, as ; Mrs. Arthur Herbert 
Staynes/ A widow or divorcee may be 
addressed as { Mrs. Catherine Chalmers/ 



Correspondence and Reading. 99 

The eldest of a number of unmarried sis- 
ters should he addressed simply as 4 Miss 
Blank.' In the case of the younger ones 
mention the Christian names." 

A married woman should sign a letter 
with her Christian and surnames in full, 
thus: " Mary Fife Burns." She may for 
the information of her correspondent add, 
in the lower left hand corner of the page : 
" Mrs. John Allen Burns." For the same 
purpose a spinster may prefix to her signa- 
ture in parentheses (Miss). 

Letters addressed to social inferiors are 
usually written in the third person and 
without salutation, thus : 

"Mrs. Burns desires that Miss Smith 
will deliver her dress at the earliest possi- 
ble time to-morrow, and oblige 

Mary Fife Burns." 

One would not address an old servant or 
a tradesman with whom one had enjoyed 



ioo Correspondence and Reading. 

long and satisfactory dealings in this for- 
mal manner — but common sense should be 
a sufficient guide to such distinctions. Lit- 
tle need be said on the subject of letters of 
congratulation and condolence. The im- 
portant point is to avoid affectation and 
gush and to make the words convey the 
sincere expression of one's feelings. 

READING. 

A healthy taste and just discrimination 
in the choice of literature are of vital im- 
portance to a young woman. Upon this 
depends much of her future happiness and 
of her mental and moral development. 
Lnfortunately this is a matter which is 
left too frequently to haphazard. An im- 
mature girl is generally allowed to exer- 
cise overmuch freedom in the selection of 
books, without restraint and guidance on 
the part of parents. It is not to be won- 
dered at, then, if she neglects standard au« 



Correspondence and Reading. 101 

thors, in days when Scott is voted slow and 
Dickens dry, and worse than wastes her 
time on society journals and French novels. 
Once engendered, the appetite for this sort 
of stuff is difficult to eradicate and its ef- 
fects are deplorable. Hardly anything 
will more quickly rob a young girl of the 
bloom of freshness and deprive her of that 
natural modesty which is her chief charm. 
It creates an injurious love of sensation, 
which after a time is surfeited, leaving the 
mind empty and dissatisfied. You would 
not subject your pet poodle to a constant 
diet of caramels and curry. Why should 
you be less regardful of the welfare of your 
own mind? There are times when strong 
and highly spiced literature is what your 
condition needs, just as the body is some- 
times better for an alcoholic stimulant. 
Even then you may combine sanity with 
sensation. Weyman, Hope, and Doyle are 
at your command. But undue indugence in 



102 Correspondence and Reading. 

highly seasoned reading is like habitual 
dram drinking. One destroys the moral 
fibre as surely as the other undermines the 
physical organism. 

At the risk of being deemed old-fash- 
ioned, I will say that I do not consider the 
newspaper fit reading for a young girl. It 
is, of course necessary for any woman who 
pretends to be at all well-informed, to keep 
in touch with current literature and arts, 
as well as the doings of the world. But 
all these subjects can best be studied from 
some good weekly or monthly magazine, 
which, besides supplying valuable comment, 
will exercise the important office of sifting 
the wheat from the chaff and presenting 
only that which is most worthy of consid- 
eration. 

Whilst your reading should be made to 
furnish you with subjects of conversation, 
you should formulate ideas of your own in 
connection with it, not only for the sake 



Correspondence and Reading. 103 

of your mental improvement, but also in 
consideration of the entertainment of your 
friends. The habit of skimming is a bad 
one, leading to superficiality in other re- 
spects. If your time is restricted, better 
by far, read a little and think over that, 
than gain a smattering of a number of dif- 
ferent things and no clear or definite ideas 
of any of them. 

" A little knowledge is a dangerous thing; 
Drink deep, or taste not the Castalian 
spring." 

It is especially advisable for a woman 
to read carefully, for we have a strange 
difficulty about the relation of the most 
simple facts. Very few of us can tell of 
what we have seen and heard or read with- 
out sadly mixing important details. 

It is not easy to advise as to the subject- 
matter of reading — there is such a wide 
variation in tastes. But almost every girl 



104 Correspondence and Reading. 

knows the clean, wholesome literature of 
her mother tongue and surely amongst the 
masters she can find one or two who ap- 
peal to her. There are, of course, many 
good works of fiction published in the pres- 
ent day, but the output is so great and the 
majority of them are of such mediocre 
quality, that without capable guidance one 
is apt to wade through a quantity of trash 
before discovering a book that repays the 
reading. I long since made a rule never 
to read a romance until it had been out for 
at least a year. By that time the opinions 
of friends, in w^hose judgment I have con- 
fidence, will decide me as to whether or 
not I shall read it. 

Poetry is desirable reading, not only for 
the pleasure and mental culture derived 
from it, but also because it is one of the 
best agencies for the acquisition of com- 
mand of language. I think that commit- 
ting poetry to memory, unless in great mod- 



Correspondence and Reading. 105 

eration, is rather an injurious practice, but 
paraphrasing, it is excellent mental exercise. 

I suppose the old reading circle, unless 
in some remote country districts, is quite 
extinct. And yet it was a valuable educa- 
tional agency and many a woman owes her 
early direction and taste in literature to it. 

A prominent authoress and critic has 
told me that until she became a member of 
a reading circle in a western mining town 
at the age of twenty, books had very little 
attraction for her. The interchange of 
ideas and opinions furnished the stimulus 
for reading and developed the critical fac- 
ulty which she now possesses in such a re- 
markable degree. 

Two or three friends will find it a help- 
ful and pleasurable practice to read a work 
simultaneously and exchange the thoughts 
that have been suggested by it. When 
mother and daughter join in such profitable 
diversion the condition is an ideal one. 



CONVERSATION. 



I fear the art of conversation is dead — 
at least in America and among women. 
Occasionally one finds a circle of men in 
which it survives, but they are apt to shun 
us. And why should they not? When 
admitted to converse with men of intellect 
and culture we contribute nothing to the 
general fund of instruction and entertain- 
ment. We are no longer good listeners. 
We have learnt to chatter and to be happy 
only when we are chattering. We do not 
think. How should we say anything that 
is worth listening to ? Our reading is light 
and trivial, if it is no worse. How should 
we have ideas that are worth expressing? 
The American home circle is not as I re- 
106 



Conversation. 107 

member it in the days of my girlhood. 
The father is absorbed in the money mar- 
ket or some mercantile interest and he has 
the habit — deplorable on many accounts 
— of bringing his business to the domestic 
board. He has no time and seldom any in- 
clination for mental culture. The sons, 
with premature seriousness, are fast follow- 
ing in the father's footsteps, or else they are 
devoted to pleasure, frivolous, rattle- 
brained, and given to talking in parables of 
slang. There is no happy medium, or if 
there is, it is the exception rather than the 
rule. The mother is harassed by the 
cares of a household conducted on a scale 
that strains the income of the breadwinner. 
In her anxiety to maintain a difficult posi- 
tion, she becomes a willing slave to social 
demands which force her to neglect domes- 
tic duties. She labors assiduously to marry 
her daughters well, but neglects to make 
good wives of them. 



io8 Conversation. 



What of the girl in such surroundings? 
There is no time in such a home for the 
kind of intercourse that elevates and de- 
velopes the mind and very soon the desire 
for it dies down and the ability to take part 
in it ceases. The young girl gets a smat- 
tering of stocks, learns too much of the 
lives of her brothers and their companions 
and acquires too early the worldly wisdom 
of her mother. Thrown back upon her- 
self, or upon the society of others similarly 
situated, her sense of proportion dwindles 
and her horizon becomes dwarfed. The 
daily doings of her own set assume more 
importance to her mind than the move- 
ments of the world. Mary Meriweather's 
marriage is a matter of more concern than 
a revolution in Russia — the birth of a 
baby, than the downfall of a dynasty. Do 
not misunderstand me. I am not in love 
with the masculine girl nor with the blue- 
stocking, although I may admire both in 



Conversation. 109 

a way. It is not desirable that a girl 
should check or subdue the natural light- 
headedness and effervescence of youth. On 
the contrary these should be fostered and 
indulged, for alas ! they wane only too 
soon. But if she would consider her fu- 
ture happiness she must tend and nourish 
the serious side of her mind. The young 
husband loves gaiety, even frivolity, in his 
wife, but as the advancing years bring so- 
briety to both, he looks for more substan- 
tial and more durable mental qualities. If 
there is nothing sustaining beneath the 
froth the draught is disappointing indeed. 

Mental endowment is by no means es- 
sential to success in society now-a-days. 
That may be achieved, though you be 
brainless and even ill-bred. We discount 
solid worth, refinement and sentiment and 
place a premium on meretricious qualities, 
vulgarity and cynicism. We are satisfied 
with commonplace in conversation and the 



I 10 



Conversation. 



trite thought. Our entertainments are 
generally unexceptionable in the material 
features and insipid in the mental element. 
The English are no better than ourselves 
in this respect and the Germans err on 
the side of being too heavy. The French 
girl approaches more nearly to a medium 
course. Her mother still cultivates Tart 
de tenir salon with some shadow of the 
charm and brilliancy displayed by the 
Scarrons, the Recamiers and de Sevignes 
of another generation. These were at 
once the leaders of fashion and the pa- 
trons of learning. At their receptions 
wit was the inseparable accompaniment of 
wisdom. Cousin says of the weekly gath- 
erings at the house of Mile, de Scudery: 
" The habitual conversation was easy and 
airy, tending to pleasantry; the women 
like those of the Hotel de Rambouillet, 
were correct without prudery or prim- 
ness. " 



Conversation. 



in 



The American girl generally makes a 
good and pleasing figure in public. She 
is well-dressed and has abundant confi- 
dence in herself. Even the debutante 
lacks altogether les manieres gauches and 
the shrinking demeanor of her English 
cousin. What a pity that her mental 
qualities should not be kept on a par with 
her physical charms. 

Locke describes the exercise of wit as 
consisting in the construction of " pleasant 
pictures in the fancy. " Mark the qualifi- 
cation! How much of what passes cur- 
rent for wit in our customary circles will 
bear the test of this definition? Surely 
not the spiteful caricature of a friend, 
although it be clever enough to raise a 
laugh. Hardly the bon mot that is based 
upon another's misfortune. Contrast the 
innocent wit of the lovable Charles Lamb 
with that of the caustic Bernard Shaw. 
Which do you find the greater pleasure in 



112 



Conversation. 



repeating? One leaves a clean, whole- 
some taste in the mouth; the other a 
bitter. 

It is useless to strive after wit. It is 
an inborn gift. The peasant has it whilst 
the princess lacks. Its expression is 
spontaneous, essentially so. The least 
straining after effect, destroys it. If you 
are not naturally witty do not endeavor to 
be so. But do not confuse wit with hu- 
mor. They are very different qualities. 
Most of us who have healthy minds, fed 
on wholesome mental diet, are more or 
less humorous. We can paint " pleasant 
pictures " in the mind, but few of us can 
give them the verbal expression that con- 
stitutes wit. Humor is a valuable quality 
and one that should be assiduously culti- 
vated, for it is more often than any other 
the basis of a happy disposition. It takes 
much of the friction off the wheel of life 
for ourselves and for those with whom we 



Conversation. 113 

come in contact. Almost every situation 
has its humorous aspect. Seek it! Drag 
it into the light if need be! When Mel- 
ancholy or Misfortune invade your soul, 
invite Humor to come to your aid and turn 
tragedy into comedy. 

Do not fall into the error of thinking 
that to be " funny " is to be witty. The 
one is to the other what ginger-ale is to 
champagne — if, indeed, the resemblance 
be as close. The funny person occupies 
the position in modern society that the 
court fool filled in the middle ages. He 
excites tolerant amusement, which inevita- 
bly grows into contemptuous boredom. 
At that stage, in the olden days, they re- 
lieved their feelings by having him whip- 
ped. Alas ! we have no such recourse 
now-a-days. The funny person encour- 
ages his complaint — it is never absent 
from petty vanity — and is ever on the 
lookout for opportunities to exhibit it. 

8 



ii4 Conversation. 

In his presence one is restrained from the 
discussion of serious subjects, for to his 
weak intellect nothing is sacred. 

Punning is a cheap form of wit that is 
usually tiresome because the point is gen- 
erally too palpable. It is often vulgar, 
too, as when a person's name is punned 
upon. Theodore Hook was addicted to 
that form of wit and our own Mark 
Twain in his earlier days was prone to in- 
dulge in it. Contrast the broad humor of 
an Artemus Ward with the subtle wit of 
a James Barrie. One is as the play of a 
bludgeon to that of a rapier — a blow 
with a brick as compared to the tickling of 
a straw. 

Young people too often make the mis- 
take of imagining that it is clever — 
"smart," they call it — to say sarcastic 
and derisive things of their acquaintances. 
So that they succeed in raising a laugh, 
they are satisfied and think no more of the 



Conversation. 115 

consequences of the remark to themselves 
or to the subject of it. If they could 
only read the minds of their auditors, they 
would find fear, hate, and contempt there, 
even whilst the smile is still upon the lips. 
When we see a friend held up to ridicule 
by one of these " smart " persons we know 
that it only needs that our backs be turned 
to render us liable to similar treatment. 
We are sometimes forced to admire the in- 
tellect displayed in malicious wit, but, if 
our hearts are in the right place we never 
fail to contemn the mean and captious spirit 
that prompts it. 

That shrewd man of the world, Lord 
Chesterfield, warns " Mr. Stanhope " 
that: " The temptation of saying a smart 
and witty thing, or bon mot, and the ma- 
licious applause with which it is commonly 
received, have made people who can say 
them, and, still oftener, people who think 
they can, but cannot and yet try, more 



n6 



Conversation. 



enemies, and implacable ones too, than 
any one thing that I know of." 

Only less contemptible than the spiteful 
tongue is that addicted to gossip. Indeed, 
they are closely akin, for, although there 
are harmless gossips, the petty personal 
news that is not strongly flavored with 
piquant scandal lacks interest for the kind 
of people who indulge in this form of 
mental stimulant. 

Discussion of our friends is dangerous. 
Our remarks are very likely to be repeated 
in distorted form. Then again, it is fu- 
tile. What good can be served by the 
interchange of critical views regarding 
mutual acquaintances? And it is uninter- 
esting to one of mental balance and a just 
sense of values. 

" Let us talk about things," I once 
heard Mrs. Craigie say in a circle where 
personalities supplied the topics of conver- 
sation. " Put people are so much more in- 



Conversation. 117 

teresting," a shallow-minded matron pro- 
tested. 

" Then let it be people of another gen- 
eration/' insisted the authoress. 

For the sake of her own happiness as 
well as the happiness of others a young 
girl should cultivate a kindly heart, from 
which kind and cheery words will spring 
as naturally as sparkling water from a 
pure fount. Think pleasant things and 
your speech will surely be pleasing. This 
course may not gain for you a reputation 
for brilliancy, but it will secure for you 
universal love, the chief factor in happi- 
ness. But beware of artificial excess! 
Be genuine — - be honest ! Let not the de- 
sire to please tempt you into flattery or ex- 
aggeration. The praise of the flatterer 
loses its weight when its lack of worth 
is learnt. We despise the fawning tongue 
and should it betray us into a momentary 
self-satisfaction which is undeserved, the 



1 1 8 Conversation. 



revulsion of feeling reacts upon the cause 
of our wounded self-esteem. 

Affectation is a failing too common 
among women. It is mean and con- 
temptible and often so transparent as to 
be positively ludicrous. The woman who 
pretends to be other than what she really 
is confesses that in her own estimation she 
is an inferior creature. 

Affectations of speech, whilst more 
amusing than harmful, are serious blem- 
ishes. The affected English accent, the 
unnecessary French phrases, the pretended 
familiarity with abstruse subjects or igno- 
rance of homely matters — these and sim- 
ilar silly make-believes mar the conversa- 
tion of many a woman who might other- 
wise be extremely attractive and entertain- 
ing. 

Truth and good faith are essential 
to profitable converse with our fellows. I 
am not referring now to the small change 



Conversation. 119 

of prattle that passes current as conversa- 
tion in many circles. Its very essence is 
artificiality. But how shall I freely ex- 
press my thoughts and lay my mind open 
to one who approaches me under false 
colors? The attitude of the posense is re- 
pellant and though her disingenuousness 
be exhibited only in affectation of speech 
it raises a suspicion of moral obliquity. 
Be natural ever. Your individuality, no 
matter how commonplace, must always be 
more interesting and attractive than a copy 
of some one else. 

There are few accomplishments of 
greater importance than a mastery of the 
art of conversation and yet thousands of 
girls spend years in the futile study of 
music or painting for which few of them 
have any talent, when they might be much 
more profitably employed in learning to 
talk intelligently and entertainingly. This 
does not require special gift and may be 



120 Conversation, 

achieved by anybody with ordinary perse- 
verance. 

A good conversationalist knows how 
and when to listen as well as how and 
when to talk. There is nothing more 
stimulating and gratifying to a speaker 
than an attentive hearer who interjects in- 
telligent questions at appropriate places. 
The effect is like that of throwing an oc- 
casional faggot on a bright fire. 

In the days of our mothers, or perhaps 
your grandmother, young reader, when 
conversazioni were possible and enjoyable, 
the hostess bestowed as much care upon the 
selection of her listeners as upon that of 
her speakers. 

It must not be supposed that the for- 
mer were dull or inferior in mental 
attainment. Hannah More, Lady Mary 
Wonky Montagu, Madame de Mohl, 
and many other brilliant women were 
rioted for the sympathy, appreciation and 



Conversation. 121 



intelligence they habitually displayed as 
listeners. 

A gentlewoman is marked no less by the 
quality of her voice than by that of her 
words. Well modulated tones, soft ac- 
cent and correct pronunciation are the sur- 
est indications of good breeding and edu- 
cation. When one has had the advantage 
of refined associations from childhood 
these qualities of speech are acquired 
naturally and unconsciously, but they are 
attainable by almost anyone who will take 
the trouble to acquire them. And it is 
surely worth while to do so, for few are 
insensible to the magnetism of a melodious 
voice and the effect of proper speech. It 
is no uncommon thing to find pleased 
listeners to platitudes delivered in musical 
accents, whilst on the other hand the 
wisest thoughts and the most beautiful 
word pictures lose much of their charm 
when the vehicle of expression is repulsive. 



122 



Conversation. 



We are justly reproached for our heady, 
strident voices and lack of repose in conver- 
sation. This characteristic has been great- 
ly moderated in recent years, but I fear 
that its complete eradication, even among 
our best bred people, is yet distant. Clear 
enunciation should be sought and must be 
practiced to ensure correct pronunciation. 
(Reading aloud and slowly will do more 
than anything else to produce the desired 
result.) It is extremely disagreeable to lis- 
ten to one who slurs or mumbles her words, 
so that the meaning of the simplest phrase 
is only gathered by an effort. One tires 
of constantly saying, " I beg pardon," 
when it is the other who should ask it for 
speaking in such slip-shod fashion. 
Most of our faults of speech are due to 
speaking too fast — a characteristic of our 
women, from which our men are by no 
means free. A measured delivery not 
only facilitates clear enunciation and 



Conversation. 123 

proper pronunciation, but also affords 
more scope for thought and the selection 
of appropriate expressions. 

One may speak correctly, and even ele- 
gantly, by the use of a moderate number 
of ordinary words. It is not necessary — 
it is undesirable, in fact — - to use high- 
sounding and unusual expressions where 
some simple Saxon phrase will fully con- 
vey your meaning. Our best speakers and 
writers employ the simplest language. 
The secret of good writing and correct 
speaking lies in the possession of a well- 
selected vocabulary and a thorough knowl- 
edge of the meanings of the words con- 
tained in it. The working vocabulary of 
professional writers, journalists, novelists 
and the like, rarely exceeds five thousand 
words and is often no more than three 
thousand. These are always ready to their 
minds. They know their exact values, 
their true relations and appropriate uses. 



I2 4 



Conversation. 



Of course they employ others occasionally 
to meet some passing exigency, just as the 
soldier supplements the accustomed sword 
and rifle with axe and mattock for special 
purposes. 

It is a mistake to imagine that amia- 
bility demands constant agreement with 
others. An intellectual speaker enjoys 
the spur of courteous contradiction, or dis- 
sent. You should have opinions of your 
own on all subjects to which you have de- 
voted thought, and should express them 
freely, but of course with a proper degree 
of diffidence in the presence of one who 
has special knowledge of the subject un- 
der discussion. We are apt to think a 
little contemptuously of the woman who 
" has no mind of her own." If mere 
words constituted conversation, then 
would a phonograph answer the purpose 
as often as not. 

Quotations, unless they are decidedly 



Conversation. 125 

apropos carry a suggestion of pedantry 
and are distasteful to a really cultivated 
mind. An original thought — no matter 
how simple, is much more pleasing than 
the repetition — too often incorrect — of 
hackneyed lines from Dante or Shake- 
speare. On the other hand, the brightest 
wit may be displayed in an apt quotation 
and especially when the application is 
made to involve some quaint distortion of 
the original meaning. A few years ago 
Major F. returned to England from the 
Boer War with hair prematurely gray. 
He took the earliest opportunity of having 
it dyed, to the serious annoyance of his 
father the general. A clubman relating 
the story remarked that he believed the 
occasion to be the first on which the ma- 
jor had ever had a difference with the gen- 
eral. One of his hearers promptly quoted 
Pope's line 



126 



Conversation. 



" Or gave his father grief but when he 
died." 

This is an illustration of a neat pun that 
has the characteristics of wit. 

Anecdote is a valuable adjunct to con- 
versation, but it should not be allowed to 
develop into the mania that someone has 
described as " anec-dotage." I know not 
w T hy, but a woman can seldom tell a story 
with good effect, even though the facts are 
drawn from her own experience, and the 
effect of a story that falls flat is more de- 
pressing than the breakage of the only can 
opener at a picnic. 

I could continue almost indefinitely on 
the subject of conversation and I am con- 
sciously omitting mention of many more or 
less important points, but not even my 
years will justify me in taxing the patience 
of my readers and the publishers have 
mercifully set a limit on my garrulity. 



DINNERS, BALLS. 



Our dinners are happily less formidable 
affairs than they used to be. Good form 
decrees moderation in both meat and drink 
and less time is occupied at the table. 
Refinement, rather than display, is the ef- 
fect sought after. It is also customary 
now to limit the number present to 
eighteen at most, and more frequently 
to twelve. We find that a small party is 
more conducive to general gaiety and 
pleasure than a large one, which naturally 
divides itself into little detached centers. 
Small dinners, at which there is better op- 
portunity to bring together a set of con- 
genial persons, are now decidedly in fash- 
ion. Upon this last feature depends more 
127 



128 



Dinners, Balls. 



than upon anything else the success of the 
entertainment. It is rather a good plan 
to arrange that the pair that goes in to- 
gether are acquainted, or that each of 
them is seated next to an acquaintance. 
Where you have four or five strangers in 
a row it may take some time to break the 
ice. 

The invitations to a dinner are usually 
sent out two weeks in advance, but in the 
height of the season if it is particularly 
desired to secure an acceptance from a per- 
son who has many social engagements she 
may be asked at an earlier date by a few 
days. If the dinner is distinctly formal, 
an engraved card should be used, but in the 
majority of cases a note is preferable. 

A formal dinner commences at half-past 
seven or eight o'clock; a small one, or 
one preliminary to the theatre, or opera, 
at half-past six or seven. The former 
should not extend over one and a half 



Dinners, Balls. 



129 



hours, nor the latter over three quarters 
of an hour. 

The host and hostess should be in the 
drawing-room fifteen or twenty minutes 
before the designated hour to receive the 
first guest. It is encumbent upon one to 
be especially prompt — but not more than 
a few minutes before time — on such an 
occasion. If a guest is tardy, the hostess 
usually allows fifteen minutes, but not 
longer. Dinner being announced, the 
host offers his arm to one of the ladies 
and the rest of the company follow, paired 
in a similar manner, the hostess and her 
escort bringing up the rear. At a formal 
dinner the men will receive envelopes from 
the servant at the door, containing the 
names of the ladies they are to take in, 
but at small affairs the matter is arranged 
by the hostess asking each man as he 
comes down to the drawing-room: " Will 

you kindly take in Mrs. Unless 

9 



130 Dinners, Balls. 

they are already acquainted, she intro- 
duces them. When all have entered the 
room, they seat themselves, the men assist- 
ing the ladies. The women remove their 
gloves and lay them in their laps beneath 
the napkin, which is opened and placed 
across the knees. 

Upon the host and hostess devolve the 
duty of starting the conversation and per- 
haps of keeping it alive though, if the 
guests have been well selected, it should not 
flag. Each guest should address a few 
words to the neighbor on either side, 
whether or not they know each other. 
Conversation at a dinner table should be 
light, but it need not be vapid. 

The meal ended, the hostess will take a 
favorable opportunity to signal the ladies 
with a glance for which they will be look- 
ing. All then rise, the men standing be- 
side their chairs until the ladies have left 
the room, and he nearest the door holding 



Dinners, Balls. 131 

the portiere aside. Or, as is frequently 
done now, the gentlemen may accompany 
the ladies to the drawing room, seat them 
and return to their coffee and cigars. 

The men will join the ladies in the 
drawing-room in twenty minutes or half 
an hour's time and the guests will leave 
within an hour afterwards, each taking oc- 
casion to express briefly the pleasure ex- 
perienced by the entertainment. To one's 
escort and such guests as one has been pre- 
sented to one should bid adieu, if they are 
close at hand ; otherwise a smile will serve 
the purpose. 

As to the dinner itself, if you have a 
good cook there is little to do but order 
it. Many of us, however, are not suffi- 
ciently fortunate to possess cooks in whose 
hands a formal dinner may be safely left. 
In such cases the best plan is to hire for 
the occasion one of the culinary artists 
of whom there are plenty in every large 



132 Dinners, Balls. 

city. If you let her know the number of 
persons for whom she is to provide and 
the amount of money you desire to expend 
on the table she will prepare a menu and 
give the necessary orders. 

A dinner to twelve persons may be 
served by two maids, if they under- 
stand what is to be done. One should not 
be required to wait upon more than half 
a dozen persons. It is not fair to subject 
your guests to the discomfort and embar- 
rassment caused by delays and hitches. 
An extra servant should be employed in 
the butler's pantry. 

The table should be prettily set with 
silver and cut glass, a center piece of flow- 
ers and candelabra. There should be 
sufficient candles to furnish all the light 
needed. An unpleasant effect is produced 
by combining candle light with gas or elec- 
tricity. It is advisable to have a color 
scheme to which flowers, candle shades 



Dinners, Balls. 133 

and other accessories should conform. 
No edibles, with the exception of bonbons, 
salted nuts, or crystallized fruits, in com- 
potters appear on the table. Small din- 
ners afford exceptions to this rule. 

A plate is placed at each seat with three 
forks to the left of it and a dinner knife 
and table spoon to the right. The napkin, 
with a piece of bread inserted between the 
folds, is laid upon the plate. Favors, 
elaborate name cards and menus are used 
only at pretentious dinners. A fewer 
number of glasses than formerly are 
needed as it is no longer the custom to 
have many wines. 

The service is d la Russe and it is fa- 
cilitated by the handing of two dishes in 
duplicate at the same time, the servants 
moving along the opposite sides of the 
table from different ends. A servant may 
never handle more than one plate at a 
time. When a course is finished one ser- 



134 Dinners, Balls. 

vant should remove the soiled plate and 
the other slip a clean one into its place. 

The oysters may be in place when the 
guests enter the dining room, but it is be- 
coming a more frequent practice to serve 
them directly from ice, instead of on it, 
immediately the guests are seated. 
Brown-bread sandwiches accompany the 
bivalves. The soup, which should be 
served in plates not more than half full, 
is followed by the hors £<BUvres y and that 
by the fish, The entree is the next course, 
then the roast, which is carved in the 
kitchen, and lastly the game. The table 
is now cleared and crumbed before the 
ices are served. The finger bowls mark 
the termination of the meal. After it 
coffee, and possibly liquer, is served to the 
ladies in the drawing room and to the men 
at the table. 

In the matter of wines, as in all other 
respects, our dinners are becoming more 



Dinners, Balls. 135 

simple without losing anything in ele- 
gance. The utmost that is allowable now 
is white wine with the fish, sherry with the 
soup, claret with the roast and champagne 
and Burgundy with the game. Many 
hospitable hostessess only offer three wines 
in the course of a formal dinner. 

Champagne cannot be too cold. It 
should be kept buried in ice until needed 
and served in bottles wrapt about in 
a napkin. White wine is also served 
cold, but is poured from the bottle in the 
ordinary manner. Claret and Burgundy 
should be at a temperature of about sev- 
enty degrees. Burgundy, like champagne 
and white wine, is served from the bottle, 
but sherry and claret are generally de- 
canted. Liquers are offered on a small 
tray holding regular liquer decanters and 
glasses. 

For a small dinner the table is set in the 
same manner as for an elaborate one and 



136 Dinners, Balls. 

the meal is served similarly. A sufficient 
menu may consist of oysters, soup, fish, 
entree, roast, salad and ices. Sherry with 
the soup followed by claret and coffee will 
suffice for the liquids, it being understood 
that mineral water is available throughout 
the meal. 

An unpretentious dinner may be given 
to friends with a still more simple bill of 
fare. In such cases the soup and the roast 
may be served from the table. The ser- 
vant waiting places a single plate before 
the host or hostess, to receive the portion 
of each guest. As each laden plate is car- 
ried awav a fresh one is put in its place. 
When the guests are ail served with meat, 
the servant, if only one is in attendance, 
takes the vegetables from the side table 
and carries them round in the rotation in 
which she placed the plates. 



Dinners, Balls. 137 



THE BALL 

In our cities it has become customary 
to give large private dances in the public 
rooms that are used for subscription balls. 
Few houses afford the floor space for a 
great number of dancers without crowd- 
ing and most women are glad to avoid the 
upsetting and discomfort entailed upon a 
family by a large dance. Then again, if 
the thing is left in the hands of some hotel 
or fashionable restaurant the arrange- 
ments are sure to run smoothly and the 
floor, upon which so large a proportion of 
the enjoyment depends, will be all that can 
be desired. 

The invitations to a ball are sent three 
weeks before the date; those to a small 
house dance ten days, or a fortnight, in 
advance. They may be written or en- 
graved as explained in another chapter. 
If on terms of friendship with the hostess 



138 Dinners, Balls. 

one may venture to ask an invitation for a 
young man or woman staying with one, 
or a stranger in the city. You must be 
quite sure that the individual will do credit 
to your introduction and be able to take 
part in the dancing. Don't inflict a wall- 
flower on a hostess who, in any case, is 
likely to be encumbered with more of them 
than she cares for. Make such a request 
by note. If the hostess desires to decline 
you should not make it unnecessarily dif- 
ficult for her to do so, as it would be if you 
tendered your request in person. Enclose 
one of your cards that it may accompany 
the card of invitation to your friend in case 
one is sent. 

We will first consider the procedure for 
balls or elaborate dances whether at a 
public room or a residence. 

A carpet and awning extend from the 
door to the curbstone and a man in livery 
is stationed to meet carriages, open the 



Dinners, Balls. 139 



doors and give duplicate checks, one to the 
coachman and the other to the guest. A 
footman attends at the entrance and di- 
rects arrivals to the dressing rooms. In 
that for the ladies one or two maids should 
serve and one of them must remain in the 
room throughout the evening. Every- 
thing that can possibly be needed should be 
provided, not forgetting a full length mir- 
ror. Each guest will receive a check for 
her wraps, which must be neatly disposed 
of, and the duplicate check carefully at- 
tached to them. When a guest is ready 
to depart there should never be any dif- 
ficulty or delay in finding her cloak. A 
man-servant waits upon the men in their 
dressing room, where they find, in addi- 
tion to necessary toilet articles, cigars, ci- 
garettes and liquid refreshments. Their 
coats and hats are checked and, owing to 
the similarity prevailing in men's attire, 
greater care is necessary, if possible, on the 



140 Dinners, Balls. 



part of the valet than upon that of the 
maids, to avoid mixing. Ladies meet 
their escorts at the point of the stairs near- 
est to the ballroom. They may be an- 
nounced at the door, though many host- 
esses omit the ceremony. The lady en- 
ters the room slightly in advance of her 
escort and advances to meet the hostess. 
The host may or may not join his wife in 
receiving. It is optional with him. If 
the ball is in honor of a debutante she 
takes station on the right of the hostess 
and is presented to the guests as they ar- 
rive. The last are also introduced to the 
ladies who assist the hostess in receiving 
and remain with her until the majority of 
guests have arrived, when they can gen- 
erally be of more service on the floor. 
The chaperons find places on the chairs 
or sofas lining the walls and their charges 
are seated beside or in front of them — 
on the Continent always in the latter posi- 



Dinners, Balls. 141 

tion, whilst the duennas occupy a raised 
platform behind. 

If the floor of the room be of hard- 
wood, it should be bared and waxed. 
Unless you have an experienced man in 
the house, get one to come in and attend 
to it. To properly prepare a floor for 
dancing is not quite as simple a task as it 
might seem to be. If the carpet is to be 
left down it must be covered with a drug- 
get of linen or cotton — opinions differ 
as to which is the more desirable — per- 
fectly smooth and tightly stretched. 
Floor space is the great desideratum and 
all chairs and sofas — the only movable 
furniture left in the room — must be 
placed against the walls. 

The light should be strong but tem- 
pered by the use of silk or paper colored 
shades to the chandelier and other jets. 
Temperature is a very important point. 
It should be maintained at a little above 



142 Dinners, Balls. 

seventy. There must be good ventilation 
without draught. 

A full stringed orchestra is provided for 
a ball. It is placed, if possible, in an ad- 
joining room, or in the hallway; if in the 
ballroom it should be screened by palms, 
or other large plants. The hostess should 
either select the musical program, or at 
least look over it. The arrival of the 
first guest in the ballroom is the signal for 
the band to commence to play, unless, with 
the shrew T dness born of experience, a wo- 
man welcomes the first arrivals with music. 

The host and hostess as well as her as- 
sistants should exert themselves to pro- 
mote the pleasure of the occasion by mak- 
ing introductions and especially looking 
after the interests of those who appear 
to be strangers or little acquainted. 
Those responsible for the entertainment 
do not usually dance until the evening is 
well under way. It may be that the 



Dinners, Balls. 143 

hostess, in order to introduce her daughter 
to society has borrowed the visiting list of 
a friend. In such a case the friend's 
cards are enclosed with the invitations and 
she receives with the hostess and presents 
her to those of the guests whom she may 
not know. 

A chaperon is privileged to seek intro- 
ductions to her charge and particularly in 
the cases of young men who are under ob- 
ligations to her for hospitality extended 
to them. If the number for which a man 
asks is open, a woman can only decline on 
the plea of fatigue and in that case must 
not dance it with another. To say that 
she is reserving the dance is distinctly bad 
form. It used to be not an uncommon 
thing for a girl to fill her program before 
the day of a dance, but now it is unu- 
sual to make any definite pre-engagements 
except for the cotillion or for supper. 
After having danced a number, a girl 



144 Dinners, Balls. 



should request her partner to take her to 
her mother, or chaperon, where the part- 
ner for the next number will look for her. 
A young girl should not let the excitement 
of pleasure render her forgetful of the 
comfort of her chaperon. She should 
stop occasionally to present a friend to 
her, to see that she is comfortable and has 
someone with whom to converse. 

Supper is most often en buffet. If the 
guests are seated, it is at a number of 
small tables each designed to accommo- 
date four persons. Supper is served at 
midnight, or half an hour earlier. The 
host usually moves to the dining room 
with a lady upon his arm, but the younger 
guests follow without ceremony. (Fur- 
ther details are given in another chapter.) 
After supper, dancing is resumed and kept 
up until two or three o'clock in the morn- 
ing. 

Guests departing in the earlier part of 



Dinners, Balls. 145 

the evening leave as unobtrusively as pos- 
sible and make no special effort to bid 
adieu to the hostess, but of course if they 
pass near her, and she is disengaged, they 
should not fail to do so. Those who re- 
main until towards the close of the enter- 
tainment must say goodnight to the hostess 
and express their pleasure, as well as com- 
pliment her on the success of the occasion. 
If the host is at hand he should be in- 
cluded in the farewell. 

THE DANCE. 

What are called " house dances," are 
less formal affairs than balls and more en- 
joyable, because the guests are apt to be 
all acquainted with the hostess and nearly 
all acquainted with each other. 

The preparations for a house dance are 

nearly the same as those for a ball, but 

need not be quite so elaborate. The 

awning and carpet are essential and a man 
10 



146 Dinners, Balls. 



must be posted to meet carriages, but he 
need not be in liver} 7 . Maids may be 
in attendance exclusively in the house, ex- 
cept in the men's dressing room. Chaper- 
ons are not considered necessary; in fact, 
the older people are not invited to house 
dances. A girl will be accompanied by 
her maid who will call for her at the 
hour of departure. One may arrive at a 
ball any time before supper, but should 
put in appearance at a house dance within 
forty minutes of the hour mentioned in the 
invitation. Supper is usually served from 
the dining-room table or en buffet as it is 
termed. 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 



I once heard a soldier describe dinner 
as " dress parade and inspection." Whilst 
it is true that one is in full uniform and 
particularly open to critical observation, 
it is highly important that one should not 
betray the slightest consciousness of the 
fact. Reposeful self-possession and an air 
of interest in the conversation should 
characterize the diner. Conformity to 
the etiquette of the table should be me- 
chanical. We can not be at our best 
whilst distracted by fear of committing a 
breach of good manners. It is only when 
an improper degree of laxity is permitted 
at the domestic board that embarrassment 
is experienced at the table of a friend. 

H7 



148 1 able Etiquette. 

We are apt to consider an English dinner 
a trifle too solemn, but we cannot but 
admire the dignified propriety that prevails 
at the family meal no less than on the for- 
mal occasion, In England greater atten- 
tion is paid to the table manners of chil- 
dren than with us and as a result an En- 
glish school-boy, or his sister, generally 
goes through the most elaborate dinner 
with the ease of one to the manner born. 

Conversation at the dinner table should 
be light and cheerful and of all things, 
impersonal. The voice should be low- 
pitched and well-modulated. Nothing is 
more distressing than squeaky tones and 
hysterical laughter. 

One should never put in the mouth so 
much food at one time as to interfere with 
speech. The rule is to take small morsels 
at a time and to masticate them well with 
mouth lightly closed. 

Much awkwardness and discomfort are 



Table Etiquette. 149 

due to an improper seat at the table. One 
should sit upright, without stiffness, well 
into the chair, the body six or eight inches 
from the board. The feet should be di- 
rectly in front and separated. A lady 
never crosses her legs, and least of all 
places at the dinner table. The napkin, 
which is not opened to its full amplitude, 
is extended across the lap when not in use 
and loosely laid upon the table at retire- 
ment. One may lean forward slightly to 
receive food from the fork or to meet a 
glass, but should not bend one's head over 
either. 

The knife is never taken in the left 
hand. When the fork only is in use, it 
should be in the right hand with the tines 
inverted. The points of a fork are used to 
raise food; it should never be plastered on 
the prongs. When not actually in use 
these articles must lie upon the plate. One 
sometimes sees a knife and fork held in air, 



i$o Table Etiquette. 

whilst the holder converses with a neigh- 
bor. This breach of good manners rs par- 
ticularly annoying to others. Any act in 
suspension attracts our attention and when 
it is too trivial to have deserved it we are 
unconsciously irritated. 

Soup is sipped without sound from the 
side of the spoon which should be only 
half filled. Bouillon, or coffee, is stirred 
without allowing the spoon to strike the 
cup noisily. In order to test the heat, or 
sweetness, a sip or two is taken from the 
spoon; otherwise it is not used in drinking 
and must never be allowed to stand in the 
cup. 

Use the napkin before raising a glass 
to the lips and after laying it down. 
Never take a long draught, but frequent 
mouthfuls of liquid. 

One still occasionally sees a pair of gloves 
rolled up and placed in an empty glass. 
This should never be done nor should they 



Table Etiquette. 151 



be laid upon the table, but in the lap un- 
der the napkin. Do not invert a wineglass 
to prevent its being filled; a slight gesture of 
the hand to the servant bearing the bottle 
will convey your declination. When not 
using your knife and fork allow the hands 
to rest in your lap. Some persons have a 
disagreeable habit of placing them upon 
the table and fingering the utensils or 
crumbling bread upon the cloth. Men are 
worse offenders than ourselves in this re- 
spect. 

If by chance you cause an accident, by 
upsetting a glass, or something of the sort, 
do not make a fuss about it. A depreca- 
tory look to the hostess and, perhaps, the 
briefest expression of regret are sufficient. 
If your neighbor is in any way discom- 
moded by your act, address a few words of 
apology in a low voice to him. It goes 
without saying that should you happen to 
be the victim of a servant's carelessness, 



152 Table Etiquette. 

you will make as light as possible of the 
matter. If anything is dropt upon the 
dress remove it with the napkin or allow 
a servant to do so as quickly as possible 
and defer further attention to the damage 
until you leave the dining-room. In such 
or a similar case, the hostess must express 
her sincere regret, but with brevity. She 
may recur to the matter in the drawing- 
room and it goes without saying that she 
w T ill not scold a servant in the presence of 
her guests. On all such occasions of mis- 
hap, in short, it should be the endeavor 
of all to terminate the incident as soon as 
possible and to turn the conversation in a 
different direction. 

Fish is eaten with a fork as a rule and 
never with any but the regular fish knife. 
A small piece of bread in the left hand may 
be used to assist the operation. 

Entrees are also eaten with the fork 
only. The fork alone is applied to salads, 



Table Etiquette. 153 

lettuce is cut with the edge of it and rolled 
round the prongs for convenience in car- 
rying it to the mouth. 

Asparagus, corn on the cob, and arti- 
chokes are the only vegetables served upon 
side plates. All of these may be eaten 
with the fingers and are so disposed of by 
persons of good breeding. Still it is be- 
yond dispute that in the case of the two 
first named at least the use of the fork is 
more elegant. The asparagus tips are cut 
off with it and it is used to scrape the corn 
seeds from the cob. The artichoke is dis- 
membered with the fingers and the fleshy 
portion of the leaves bitten off; the heart 
should be cut and conveyed to the mouth 
on the fork. Peas are eaten with the fork 
and it may be said that that utensil is used 
for all vegetables. 

Meat should be cut in small pieces 
and placed in the mouth alone, not mixed 
with vegetables. Salt should be placed on 



154 Table Etiquette. 

the side of the plate, never scattered over 
the food. A few grains at a time are 
taken upon the fork. 

A square of bread is placed in each nap- 
kin when the table is laid; it is broken, 
never cut. Butter does not appear at a 
formal dinner, unless cheese is served, and 
then usually in conjunction with toasted 
biscuits. 

Celery and radishes are taken in the 
fingers, dipped in salt and small portions 
bitten off. (The thought that I am par- 
ticularly fond of young celery tips suggests 
an admonition to my readers to reserve the 
indulgence of such peculiar tastes for the 
semi-privacy of the family table.) Olives 
are taken in the fingers. They should not 
be put in the mouth whole, but the flesh 
should be eaten from round the stone. 
Cheese should be cut into small morsels 
and lifted on the knife blade on to a piece 
of bread or biscuit which has been buttered 



Table Etiquette. 155 



preparatory to being placed in the mouth. 

The fingers are employed in eating most 
fruits, consequently the finger-bowls appear 
with the dessert. A small silver knife is 
supplied for the purpose of paring fruit 
and picking out stones and seeds. Pears, 
apples, etc., should be first quartered and 
then peeled. No more than one mouthful 
is taken in the fingers when eating. 
Never bite mouthfuls off a piece of fruit, 
nor carry portions to the mouth on the 
point of the fruit knife. No entirely sat- 
isfactory way of eating an orange has yet 
been devised; the least objectionable per- 
haps is to cut it in half and extract the juice 
with a spoon. Watermelon is eaten with 
a fork; muskmelon with a spoon and of 
course that article is used when fruits are 
served with cream or sugar. 

Cake is usually broken like bread, but if 
very crumby, or sticky, a fork is employed. 
Brick and individual ices are eaten with 



1 56 Table Etiquette. 

a fork and it may be said in general that 
there is a tendency to displace the spoon 
with the fork whenever the former can 
conveniently be substituted. 

At a formal dinner it is in bad form 
to make any comments on the food, wine, 
or service. At a small party the hostess 
is pleased to receive the compliments of 
her friends upon the cookery or the ap- 
pointments. 

When a meal or dish is finished one 
should never push away the plate, or brush 
crumbs together. Everything is left just 
as it is, the napkin being laid unfolded 
upon the edge of the table, or allowed to 
fall to the ground when one rises. Only 
at a family dinner is the chair adjusted 
when leaving the table. 

At a formal dinner one is not helped a 
second time to a dish, nor should one ask 
for anything that is not offered. The ser- 
vants will keep the glasses replenished and 



Table Etiquette. 157 

the host and hostess will be on the look- 
out for any neglect in this respect. At less 
formal dinners, when the carving is done 
at the table, a host or hostess may ask a 
guest to take a second portion and is often 
flattered by a spontaneous request of the 
sort. On such an occasion, a hostess is 
pleased by praise of her cook, and a host 
of his wine. Tact will prompt many a 
pretty speech and restrain one from saying 
those things that had better be left unsaid. 
A host or hostess should never press a 
guest to eat or drink. A simple request 
declined with thanks should end the mat- 
ter. In the goodness of her heart a 
woman, with lack of judgment, some- 
times inflicts actual bodily discomfort 
on a friend who yields to unwise pres- 
sure rather than contest the point. It 
is hardly necessary to say that a carver 
should forget herself in the distribution of 
the choicest portions of the roast, nor to 



158 Table Etiquette. 

suggest that a guest may not express any 
preference unless in response to an en- 
quiry. 

It is the height of bad form in a hostess 
to apologize for the cooker) 7 or service. 
The dignified offering to our friends of the 
best that we have, no matter how poor it 
may be, is the utmost exhibition of hospi- 
tality. The sincere welcome, the genial 
manner, the unaffected open-handedness, 
count for more than abundance of cut glass 
and silverware. If w ? e look back over our 
social experiences we shall find that we 
have left our hearts in the humble home 
of some lovable soul more often than in 
the imposing salons of our wealthier 
friends. 



RECEPTIONS, LUNCHEONS, 
SUPPERS. 



Receptions are of various kinds and are 
held at afternoon and evening. They 
range from the ordinary " at home," or 
the afternoon tea, to the somewhat elab- 
orate affair given in honor of a special 
guest, or to mark some particular occasion. 
The usual hours for receptions are between 
three and six, or four and seven o'clock. 

For any form of reception to which the 
guests come by special invitation, a strip of 
red carpet is laid from the front door to 
the curb-stone and, except in absolutely re- 
liable weather, an awning stretched over 
it. A footman is stationed upon the side- 

159 



160 Receptions, LuncheonSj Suppers. 

walk to facilitate the arrival and departure 
of guests. 

Within the house, the furniture of such 
rooms as are to be used should be arranged 
with a view to affording space for the 
free movement of the assemblage. These 
rooms should be decorated with flowers 
and plants in pots, ferns, palms, etc. A 
small string orchestra may be engaged to 
enliven the occasion. It must be placed 
out of sight and its music should be sub- 
dued so that it may not in any degree in- 
terfere with easy conversation. The table 
in the dining room is tastefully decorated 
and two or three servants are stationed 
there to serve light refreshments, such as 
bouillon, salads, ices, etc. The liquids may 
be tea, chocolate, Apollinaris, and punch 
or some kind of " cup." Champagne is 
never offered before dinner. 

As the hour of the entertainment ap- 
proaches the daylight is excluded and the 



Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 161 



gas or electric light turned on. The hos- 
tess stations herself near the drawing-room 
door with the guest of honor, if there be 
one, beside her. The ladies assisting the 
hostess place themselves in different parts 
of the rooms and in the dining-room 
that they may the more effectively attend to 
the pleasure and comfort of the guests. 

A dressing room is provided for women 
and another for men where they leave 
their coats and wraps, a servant being in 
attendance in each case. The ladies re- 
tain their hats. 

During the first hour a hostess will prob- 
ably have opportunity for but a few words 
with each arrival. They should remain 
with her until others are ready to take their 
places, but should move aside as new ar- 
rivals approach. One should not leave in 
less than fifteen minutes unless obliged to 
do so and half an hour should be the ex- 
tent of your stay. If the hostess is disen- 
11 



162 Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 

gaged you should bid her farewell; other- 
wise it is not at all necessary to do so. 

On these occasions the hostess and her 
assistants wear demi-toilette, the visitors 
calling dress. 

Your attendance at a reception is ac- 
counted a visit, and does not entail the 
obligation of an after call. 

You may take a friend who is staying 
w 7 ith you to a reception without securing 
the permission of the hostess, but you must 
not fail to present her to that lady. Your 
friend should leave her card having writ- 
ten your name upon it. 

Receptions are of various kinds and have 
the greatest variety of purposes. It may 
be to introduce a debutante to society or a 
bride and groom to the community in which 
they have settled, to celebrate an anniver- 
sary, or merely to enable the hostess to 
extend hospitality to a larger number of 
persons than could be entertained in any 



Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 163 

other manner. All one's acquaintances are 
invited to receptions and the list gradually 
narrows through dances and luncheons to 
dinners. There can not be a great deal of 
difference between the most and the least 
pretentious reception. The dress is the 
same in all cases with the usual distinction 
of course between morning and evening. 
The evening reception is, however, falling 
out of vogue and most affaires d } elites are 
now given in the afternoon. There can- 
not be much elaboration in the matter of 
refreshments an hour or so before dinner 
and almost the only opportunities for dis- 
play lie in the men-servants and the music. 

Few forms of entertainment afford so 
much scope for good effect at little expense. 
If a hostess decorate her rooms and her 
dining table tastefully she may dispense 
with many of the more pretentious acces- 
sories and if her means are moderate it is 
distinctly good form to do so. We can 



164 Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 

make few greater mistakes than to tempo- 
rarily assume a style which is inconsistent 
with the character of our menage. Whilst 
the street carpet should always be laid for 
a reception to which cards have been is- 
sued, the awning may be dispensed with, 
but in rainy weather a man should be sta- 
tioned outside with an umbrella. Maid 
servants entirely may be employed in the 
house. One will open the door and at 
least one must be in attendance in the 
ladies' dressing room, and two in the din- 
ing-room. The men may be allowed to 
leave their coats and hats in the hall, or 
in the library or other upstairs chamber, 
the maid at the door directing them upon 
their entrance. In such cases there should 
be no announcements, no music, and above 
all no pretense. These simple receptions 
are often the most enjoyable, when the 
hostess and her assistants are bright and 
cordial and infuse a spirit of life and gaiety 



Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 165 

into the occasion. The success of such an 
entertainment depends more upon this last 
factor than upon any other. In fact the 
personal element is what really counts in 
all social gatherings. If the hostess can 
contrive, which she may do in collusion 
with some of her intimate friends, to have 
a few particularly desirable men present 
as early as four or five o'clock she will add 
greatly to the enjoyment of the occasion. 

An evening reception begins at eight 
or nine o'clock and continues until eleven 
or midnight. It only varies from an af- 
ternoon affair of the same description in 
the fact that towards the close of the 
evening the guests are sometimes invited 
to dance. 

THE TEA. 

An afternoon tea is the least formal and 
for that reason to many persons the most 
attractive form of reception. On the din- 



166 Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 

ing-room table, which should be prettily 
decorated with flowers and silver, a tea 
service stands at one end and a chocolate 
set at the other, each presided over by some 
friend of the hostess. Sandwiches, cakes, 
bonbons and say orange frappe are suffi- 
cient complements. A servant should be 
in attendance to fetch and carry and re- 
move soiled cups and plates from the table. 

A woman sometimes disposes of her en- 
tire visiting list w T ith a series of teas in 
close succession, that is a week or two 
apart. Sometimes a tea is given on stated 
occasions and a few women make a point 
of reserving one afternoon in each month 
for a select party of close friends. 

The practice of tea drinking, adopted 
from the English, has become quite gen- 
eral in America. The beverage is now in- 
variably offered to visitors and the tea 
table has become a regular institution in 
most households. Despite this frequent 



Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 167 

indulgence in " the cup that cheers " we 
have not yet learnt how to judge a good 
leaf, nor how to brew it. An English- 
woman considers a tea-cosey as indispen- 
sable as a tea-pot, and she is right. With 
us the article is comparatively unknown. 
In England Indian tea — Orange, or Flow- 
ery, Pekoe — is used exclusively or pre- 
dominatingly blended with the Souchong 
of China. Indian tea is rarely used in the 
United States and very little good tea of 
any kind is imported to this country. If 
you should go into a tea dealer's establish- 
ment in Hong Kong, Calcutta, London, or 
New York, you will find the tasters using 
porcelain or china pots in which to make the 
infusions that guide them in purchases in- 
volving tens — and sometimes hundreds — 
of thousands of dollars. They will tell 
you that the material of these pots is an 
essential factor in the result and that the 
leaf will not yield its best flavor and aroma 



1 68 Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 

in a metal vessel. Still we persist, with 
few exceptions in using silver teapots. Few 
of us realize that boiling water is an essen- 
tial; one minute after it has receded from 
that point its virtue is greatly dimished 
so far as tea-making is concerned. The 
pot — the earthenware pot — should be 
rinsed with boiling water before the leaf 
is placed in it. One teaspoonful of the 
latter is the proper quantity for each cup 
to be drawn. Enough boiling water to 
steep the leaves should be poured in and 
the pot allowed to stand under the cosey 
for three minutes. At the end of that 
time boiling water to the desired quantity 
— remembering that less will come out 
than goes in — '' should be added and the 
cups filled at once. After this the tea 
pot should be sent out and prepared for 
another brew. Never add a second supply 
of water, or fresh tea, to leaves that have 
once been used. This method, provided 



Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 169 

good tea is used, will ensure a perfect brew 
and relieve the drinker of all fear of ill 
effects. Under proper conditions of prep- 
aration tea is as harmless as milk. I have 
known Anglo-Indians — women as well as 
men — who had drunk two or three quarts 
of it daily for years without injury to their 
health. 

THE BREAKFAST. 

A breakfast differs very little from a 
luncheon and chiefly in the fact that it is 
served at an earlier hour, generally noon 
or half past twelve. Sunday breakfasts 
are popular on account of the opportunity 
they afford to men to be present. The 
menu — there are no cards by the way — is 
never extensive; fruit, fish, an entree } one 
meat and something sweet with coffee and 
claret or other " cup " is all. 



170 Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 



THE LUNCHEON. 

The menu of a luncheon is more elabor- 
ate than that of a breakfast and hardly 
less so than that of a dinner. It may be 
served on any of the different fancy table 
cloths or upon doilies. Daylight is often 
excluded at breakfasts and luncheons and 
the gas lit, but it is rather doubtful whether 
this artificial arrangement is in good taste. 
The guests proceed to the dining-room in 
a body at the bidding of the hostess and 
without formality. There are no menu 
cards. The name cards, if they are used, 
may be plain or artistic as taste dictates. 
The practice of giving favors has happily 
gone out of fashion. A small bunch of 
violets makes a pretty substitute. The 
guests — luncheon is essentially a feminine 
form of entertainment — wear their hats 
and calling gowns, the hostess a house 
dress which should not be too ornate. 



Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 171 

When as many as twenty-four persons are 
entertained in this manner it is generally 
more convenient and if properly arranged 
more effective to use three or four small 
tables instead of one large one. The dec- 
orations of these may be made to harmon- 
ize or contrast and some women have a 
marvelous gift in these matters, and con- 
trive with little outlay to produce an effect 
of elegance and beauty that others with 
unlimited money at command strive after 
in vain. Luncheons need not be expen- 
sive to be enjoyable; indeed, the most mod- 
est are sometimes the most pleasurable af- 
fairs. We all love the hostess who seems 
to intimate " I cannot spend much money 
but of pains I am no niggard and the best 
of myself I give to you freely." 

At summer resorts luncheons are a 
pleasant feature of every-day life. They 
are divested of formality, though of course 
formal affairs are given. The friends of 



172 Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 

the hostess have carte blanche to drop in 
when they please. Men are encouraged to 
come in their flannels and women in their 
golf suits. One may arrive late and find 
a welcome. The meal is generally pro- 
longed beyond the usual time but as at all 
luncheons, the guests depart soon after 
leaving the table, in order to permit the 
hostess to prepare for her afternoon en- 
gagements. She may, however, and in 
the country often does invite them to re- 
main, when the party adjourns to the ver- 
andah, where coffee is served and the men 
smoke. These informal gatherings are the 
most delightful occasions and many a 
friendship is born of the opportunities af- 
forded by them for unrestrained inter- 
course. 

THE SUPPER. 

In England supper has long been an es- 
tablished meal in every household and our 



Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 173 

British cousins have never been suspected of 
being dyspeptic. Like the English tea, we 
are now beginning, with less dissent than 
formerly on the part of physicians, to adopt 
that custom from the other side of the 
Atlantic. 

Guests are entertained at supper only in 
connection with some other form of enter- 
tainment. Supper is another of those 
occasions which derive much of their pleas- 
ure from the relaxation that usually ac- 
companies them. Unless a theatre party 
has been preceded by a dinner, it is in- 
variably followed by a supper which 
may be had at home or at a restaurant and 
in either case the arrangements are all 
completed beforehand. The supper at 
home is the more elegant form of enter- 
tainment and has the advantage of entire 
change of atmosphere, but of course it en- 
tails more trouble though less expense. It is 
usual to make a dinner the complement to 



1 74 Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 

an opera party, both because it is more for- 
mal than a theatre party and because the 
performance lasts so long and ends at such 
a late hour that at its termination most per- 
sons are glad to get to bed without unnec- 
essary delay. The supper party is one of 
the few forms of entertainment possible to 
men and in their cases is of necessity al- 
most invariably given in a public place. 
At the house the table is set and served 
as at a luncheon. The repast may be very 
simple — merely sandwiches, oysters, salad 
and ices, or it may include bouillon, an 
entree and birds. Champagne is pre-em- 
inently a supper beverage, being particu- 
larly grateful to tired nerves and having 
the great advantage of enlivening a party 
made up of somewhat jaded individuals. 
Hochheimer, or some sort of " cup " may, 
however, be substituted for it. 

There is no formal pairing in proceeding 
to the supper table. The hostess may un- 



Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 175 

obtrusively try to bring certain guests to- 
gether for what she may deem improve- 
ment of the occasion. Men are usually 
permitted to light cigarettes and a comic 
song may enliven the few minutes interval 
before departure. 

The supper at a ball or dance is usually 
en buffet. The old fashion of sitting down 
to table is going out although sometimes 
at present a number of small tables are set 
at a given hour in the ballroom and where- 
ever else space affords and removed after 
the meal to allow of the continuance of 
the dancing. As a rule, however, the din- 
ing-room table is set as at a formal recep- 
tion and the sideboard laden with plates, 
glasses, napkins and the rest. Servants 
are in attendance but the actual service up- 
on ladies is performed by the men who have 
brought them in. The menu may consist 
in the case of a small dance, of bouillon, 
hot oysters, chicken croquettes, salad, ices 



176 Receptions, Luncheons, Suppers. 

and coffee with Champagne and punch, or, 
on a more formal occasion it may include 
terrapin, lobster, and game. 

The supper at a dance given for young 
people should be simple and wine should 
not be served. Inexpensive favors are 
pretty and pleasing adjuncts to such an oc- 
casion, if the dance is a select one and 
the guests are seated to supper. 

Card-parties and similar informal even- 
ing entertainments should be followed by 
a simple supper without any formality. 
The table should be prepared and all neces- 
saries placed at hand so that the guests may 
wait upon themselves. The eatables are 
cold unless the chafing-dish is brought into 
requisition. Men are permitted to smoke 
and everyone relaxes to the utmost extent 
consistent with good manners. These 
rough-and-ready suppers are enlivened with 
song or story and prolonged indefinitely. 



ENGAGEMENTS, WEDDINGS. 



The announcement of an engagement 
properly emanates from the family of the 
prospective bride. It may be issued ver- 
bally, or by note, and the young people 
principally interested will convey the news 
to their particular friends. The paternal 
announcement will probably mention an 
afternoon, or perhaps two or three, on 
which the young lady will receive with her 
mother. Her friends take the opportunity 
thus afforded to convey their felicitations 
and friends of the groom to make her ac- 
quaintance. 

For some time following, the envied 
couple are the recipients of an unusual 
number of invitations to various en- 
12 177 



178 Engagements, Weddings. 

tertainments. They will be much together 
in public and the cynosure of critical eyes. 
The situation may not be an entirely com- 
fortable one to a modest girl and it requires 
some degree of judgment and good taste 
on the part of the man to carry it off cred- 
itably. There should be a natural, but 
unobtrusive, evidence of devotion. Any- 
thing like gush or conspicuous love-making 
is particularly bad form, and can only be 
transcended by the affectation of indiffer- 
ence which some ill-advised girls imagine 
enhances their dignity, or importance. 

There are many considerations in favor 
of short engagements and, it must be con- 
fessed, probably as many to be urged 
against them. The question is one that 
will be decided by individual inclination 
and judgment. Whether the period be 
long, or short, the young couple must not 
forget their obligations to friends and ac- 
quaintances. They will probably have two 



Engagements, Weddings. 179 

or three evenings of each week to them- 
selves and when in public should not seek 
to monopolize each other. They can not 
with propriety travel alone or go to places 
of amusement unchaperoned. 

It is the privilege of the prospective bride 
to name the day of the wedding and her 
mother decides on all the important de- 
tails, such as the form of ceremony, the 
church, the clergyman, the guests, etc. 

THE WEDDING. 

Wedding invitations are sent out in the 
names of the father and mother of the 
bride, from a fortnight to a month before 
the date of the ceremony. The names of 
the guests are selected from the visiting lists 
of the two families concerned and a bride 
may place a few invitations at the dis- 
posal of the bridesmaids and ushers. The 
various engraved forms adapted to church 



i So Engagements, Weddings. 

and to house weddings, as well as the ex- 
ceptional occasions when a girl is parent- 
less, may be seen at any stationer's. In 
large cities it is often found necessary to 
guard against intrusion of strangers by 
using cards of admission to the church, 
which are mailed with the invitations. 

If a reception, or breakfast, is to follow 
the ceremony at the church, a selected num- 
ber of the guests receive a separate invita- 
tion to that function, or their invitations to 
the church have the addition of the words, 
" and afterwards at breakfast," as their 
termination. Such cards demand an im- 
mediate response. When a reception is 
given in connection with a home wedding 
the conditions are reversed. The majority 
of the guests are invited to be present "at 
the wedding," say at four o'clock, but as 
a matter of fact that ceremony will have 
been performed half an hour or so before 
the time mentioned, in the presence of a 



Engagements, Weddings, 1 8 1 

comparatively few friends, whose cards 
have informed them of the arrangement 
for the " ceremony at half after three 
o'clock." 

As soon as the invitations are out the 
bride will begin to receive presents. She 
must acknowledge each personally as soon 
after receipt as possible, in simple but ap- 
preciative notes. These presents are dis- 
played on the wedding day or, as is fre- 
quently the case in the city, on some pre- 
vious occasion to which guests have been 
invited by visiting card, briefly explaining 
the object in view. In either case, the 
gifts are disposed to the best advantage 
and the donor's card is attached to each. 

With few exceptions, the expenses as 
well as the responsibilities of a wedding 
are borne by the parents of the bride. 
They order and pay for the cards, the mu- 
sic, decorations, etc., at the church, or 
house; the footman in attendance at the 



1 82 Engagements, Weddings. 

church door; the carriages used by the 
bride and bridesmaids; and the reception, 
or breakfast. The bridegroom pays the 
minister's fee and provides conveyances for 
his best man and the ushers. Only in the 
case of guests coming from a distance by 
rail need the father of the bride have car- 
riages in waiting. 

The bride selects her maid of honor and 
bridesmaids and decides the number of the 
latter, which rarely exceeds six, or eight, 
and never twelve. Pages and flower girls 
are now usually dispensed with. Half a 
dozen ushers are ample for any occasion 
and the bride generally has a voice in their 
appointment. The bridesmaids are as a 
rule absent from a home wedding. 

The maid of honor is most often the 
bride's sister or a bosom friend, who may 
be the sister of the groom. The brides- 
maids are selected from the bride's closest 
friends and relatives. She must call upon 



Engagements, Weddings. 183 

each and make her request for the service, 
at the same time explaining in detail the 
costume that is to be worn by them. If 
she can afford it and is so inclined, a bride 
may present each maid with her gown and 
the accessories, or she may limit her present 
to the latter, or part of them. In any case 
she must give them a present — the same 
for all — as a souvenir of the event. This 
privilege in England falls to the lot of the 
groom and so it used in America until 
recently. The presents are usually 
brooches, fans or bracelets and always 
something that may be conspicuously used 
at the wedding. 

It has long been customary for the bride- 
groom to give a farewell dinner to the 
best man and ushers and other close 
friends. This pretty custom is now hap- 
pily extending to the other sex. A girl 
frequently gives a luncheon, or breakfast, 
for a similar purpose and embraces the 



184 Engagements, Weddings. 

occasion to present her souvenir tokens to 
the bridesmaids. 

An elaborate church wedding is usually 
rehearsed, so that there may be no hitch 
in the actual ceremony. The bride sends 
notes to the bridesmaids and ushers re- 
questing their presence at what she deems 
the most convenient day and hour for the 
majority of them and her mother makes 
arrangements for having the church open 
and the organist present. The time may 
be morning, afternoon, or evening. Whilst 
it is not considered necessary, if the mother 
of the bride entertains the participants in 
the rehearsal at luncheon, or dinner, be- 
fore, or after, the affair, the hospitality is 
always appreciated and often facilitates the 
assembling. 

Weddings are celebrated in every month 
of the year and on every day of the week, 
save Sunday and Friday. The Spring and 
Autumn months are by far the most fa- 



Engagements, Weddings. 185 

vored on account of the probability of 
good weather for the ceremony and for the 
honeymoon. The usual hours are between 
eleven in the morning and eight at night. 
For the greater convenience of guests, 
most weddings take place between three 
and six o'clock, but the English hour of 
noon precisely is quite fashionable. Night 
weddings are no longer in vogue but quite 
permissible. 

The decorations are left in the hands of 
a florist and the selection of the music in 
those of the church organist, though many 
parents prefer to have both under their 
own direction. The first few pews in the 
middle of the church are reserved for the 
families of the young couple. It is no 
longer customary to mark off the favored 
seats with ribbon, the ushers being depend- 
ed on to secure the reservation. The ad- 
mittance cards of the persons who are ex- 
pected to occupy these seats should bear a 



1 86 Engagements, Weddings. 

number or letter that will enable the ushers 
to distinguish them readily. 

The bride's mother and the children who 
are not figuring in the procession, drive to 
the church a few minutes before the bride 
and her maids set out. The bridesmaids' 
carriages precede that containing the bride 
and her father. They should arrive in 
good time it is hardly necessary to say. 
Anticipating their stoppage at the door, the 
ushers clear the way from the sidewalk to 
the chancel. The groom and organist are 
warned and the moment the first pair of 
ushers enters the central doorway the wed- 
ding march peals forth. The ushers, walk- 
ing two and two, are followed by the 
bridesmaids in the same order, and they 
by the maid of honor, walking alone. Im- 
mediately behind her comes the bride, lean- 
ing upon the arm of her father. Arriving 
at the chancel steps, the ushers file to the 
right and left, the bridesmaids following 



Engagements, Wedding 187 

their example, forming a semicircle the cen- 
tral point of which is the bridal group. 
The groom advances to meet the bride at 
the head of the aisle and taking her hand 
leads her to her place before the clergyman, 
and takes his own station on her right. Im- 
mediately behind her stands her father and 
slightly behind and to the left, the maid of 
honor, to whom the bride hands her 
bouquet and her glove. These she resumes 
when the benediction has been pronounced. 
In response to the formula: " Who giv- 
eth this woman to this man?" the father 
advances, and, taking the bride's right 
hand in his own, places it in that of the 
groom, at the same time responding: " I 
do." He then steps down to the pew in 
which his wife is seated and takes his place 
beside her. 

The ritual terminated, the bride places 
her left hand on the arm of her husband 
and they head the procession down the 



1 88 Engagements, Weddings. 

aisle, the best man and maid of honor and 
ushers and bridesmaids following, each 
young lady on the arm of a man. The 
families and special guests follow, and all, 
as they arrive at the sidewalk, find car- 
riages waiting to take them away without 
delay. 

Guests sometimes appear to be ignorant 
of the fact that marriage is a solemn sacra- 
ment, and fail to observe the decorum that 
should be inseparable from the occasion. 
They are not infrequently guilty of the bad 
manners displayed in crowding out of the 
church immediately after the bridal proces- 
sion, to the great inconvenience of the rela- 
tives of the principals. Not a guest should 
move until the occupants of the especially 
reserved front pews have reached the exit 
and the large doors are thrown open. 

This describes the usual form of church 
wedding, but variations are infinite, the 
bride being allowed considerable latitude 



Engagements, Weddings. 189 

in the exercise of her fancy. She is some- 
times preceded up the aisle by little girls, 
who strew flowers in her path, and her 
maid of honor is sometimes a child, whilst 
her train may be carried by pages in medie- 
val court dress. The bridesmaids may en- 
ter from the vestry and proceed down the 
aisle to meet the bride and escort her to 
the chancel. The grouping in the chancel 
admits, and sometimes necessitates, 
changes from that described. 

There is evident in recent years a 
greater desire for semi-privacy in weddings 
and the object is secured by holding the 
ceremony at the residence of the bride's 
father, or in a room of a hotel, when only 
a few relatives and intimate friends are 
present. The environment generally mili- 
tates against the effective introduction of a 
procession and the bride is, in these cases, 
usually attended simply by a maid of honor 
and the groom by his best man. 



190 Engagements, Weddings. 

The home wedding may be a simple af- 
fair, or, on the other hand, it may be gor- 
geous in the extreme. There is no limit to 
scope in the matter of decorations and the 
reception, or breakfast, may be a very 
elaborate function. In other words, a 
home wedding is not necessarily a " quiet " 
one, though, if that characteristic is sought, 
a home redding is the usual means of at- 
taining it. 

In preparation for a home wedding the 
living rooms are decorated with flowers 
and palms and a floral canopy, or altar, is 
constructed in the room where the service 
is to be held. The bride's mother and 
father receive the guests in the drawing 
room. A room is set apart to take the 
place of the vestry room of the church and 
there the groom and his best man wait with 
the clergyman until they are informed that 
the bride is ready. They then proceed to 
the drawing-room and await her. The 



Engagements, Weddings. 191 

father meets the bride at the head of the 
stairs and she descends upon his arm, pre- 
ceded by the maid of honor. At the mo- 
ment they reach the door of the drawing 
room, the orchestra, which may in the 
meanwhile have played for the entertain- 
ment of the guests, breaks forth in the wed- 
ding march. The bride and her escorts 
walk through the room between barriers of 
satin ribbon to the spot where the clergy- 
man and groom are awaiting them. The 
service completed, the ribbons are taken 
down and the young couple turn to the as- 
sembled company. The reception, or 
breakfast, is now in order. 

THE WEDDING RECEPTION. 

If the wedding has taken place at a 
church the bride and groom on arriving 
at the house, go at once to the drawing 
room and take up such a position as we left 
them in at the termination of the home 



192 Engagements, Weddings. 

wedding and in a similar manner receive 
the congratulations of their friends. At 
another point of the room the father and 
mother of the bride take up a station and 
at still another the parents of the groom. 
Guests pass before the happy pair in rapid 
review, allowing just time for a handshake 
and the interchange of a few kind words. 
None may linger whilst others are awaiting 
their turn. Bride and groom briefly intro- 
duce to each other such of their friends as 
are not known to both. The guests pass 
on to the proud parents with congratu- 
latory expressions and then betake them- 
selves to the dining-room where the table 
is laid in the manner described elsewhere. 

If the wedding is held in the country, a 
pretty variation is effected by holding the 
reception upon the lawn and laying the 
tables in the shade of the trees. In that 
case it is to all intents and purposes a gar- 
den party in honor of the bridal pair. 



Engagements, Weddings. 193 

Occasionally an evening wedding is fol- 
lowed by an informal dance, which is op- 
ened by the bride and groom and best man 
and maid of honor, either paired in the 
order named or interchanged. A buffet 
supper is served in such a case. 

THE WEDDING BREAKFAST. 

A wedding breakfast is given at the 
house or at a hotel and the guests are nec- 
essarily limited to a smaller number than 
would be invited to a reception. They are 
seated at a number of small tables and un- 
less artificial light is actually needed the re- 
past proceeds by daylight. Most persons 
feel as though they cannot have too much 
sunlight on a wedding day. The rooms are 
decorated with flowers and an orchestra is 
in attendance. The bridal party is usually 
seated together at one table larger than the 
rest and placed in a commanding position. 
At other tables the guests find places to suit 

13 



194 Engagements, Weddings. 

their inclinations as at a ball. Preceding 
a wedding breakfast the bride and her hus- 
band receive their friends in the manner de- 
scribed above. 

The bride cake is a thing of the past. 
In its place the caterer sometimes places 
in the center of the dining-room table one 
of the ugly creations in white sugar or plas- 
ter of Paris — I am not sure which — that 
is not intended to be cut. Slices of fruit 
cake daintily packed in small boxes bearing 
the combined monograms of the bride and 
groom are provided for all the invited 
guests. These are not altogether a sat- 
isfactory substitute for the good old fash- 
ioned cake that the bride dispensed in our 
girlhood days. 

Just a few suggestions in conclusion. 
The practical jokes and horseplay that too 
often mar these occasions are the essence 
of vulgarity. No gentleman, much less a 
lady, could possibly have any hand in such 



Engagements, Weddings. 195 

proceedings. The least objectionable form 
of this silly amusement is the decoration of 
the carriage that takes the bridal pair to 
the station, but even this is in bad taste. 

In preparing wedding decorations do not 
forget that the bride is the center of at- 
traction. Too elaborate or striking a floral 
display may have the effect of challenging 
her claim to attention. It is hardly pos- 
sible that a mother could overlook the ne- 
cessity of harmony between the flower 
scheme and the bride's costume. 

At a home wedding be sure that no loose 
rugs lie in the path of the principal actors 
in the scene. I remember once seeing the 
surpliced figure of the minister shoot sud- 
denly across the drawing-room to the 
amazement of the assembled guests. 

It is not necessary to go to heavy expense 
in the decorations for a home wedding. 
Very pretty effects may be produced with 
palms and pot plants which can be hired. 



196 Engagements, Weddings. 

Comparatively few cut flowers may be 
made to suffice without any appearance of 
deficiency if they are tastefully arranged. 

In a small church a few palms clustered 
in the chancel may suffice, w T ith bunches of 
white flowers at the entrance to the pews 
reserved for the families of the bride and 
groom. 

If the ceremony is to take place in a 
drawing-room do not let the cushions for 
the bridal pair to kneel upon be forgotten. 
White satin slips over ordinary sofa cush- 
ions will serve the purpose. 

Do not attempt a wedding breakfast un- 
less you are prepared to do it in proper 
style. The preparations should be placed 
in the hands of a first-class caterer. 



THE YOUNG WIFE. 



I am going to venture a few suggestions 
on that difficult topic, the choice of a hus- 
band — for in the final analysis the choice 
lies with the woman. " The young wife " 
naturally has a husband and my proposed 
excursion would seem to be irrelevant, but 
in truth this entire chapter is written with 
particular regard to the single girl of mar- 
riageable age. 

No one will admit more readily than my- 
self the futility of reasoning with a girl, or 
advising her, on the subject of the man 
with whom she is enamoured. But, despite 
the pretty romances of novelists and the 
flattering fables of youthful lovers, love at 
first sight is of very rare occurrence and the 
197 



198 The Young Wife. 

growth of la grande passion to the stage 
where it reigns superior to reason, pru- 
dence and calculation, is sufficiently slow as 
a rule to allow a girl who has been fore- 
warned to avoid certain common pitfalls. 
It seldom happens that la jeune file gives 
her heart unreservedly to a man without 
having had ample opportunity in the early 
period of the process to prevent or check 
the course of her affections. 

A platonic friendship is like thin ice in 
that both are much more secure in appear- 
ance than in fact. But the young girl who 
has had the advantage of frank and healthy 
association with good, honest, manly speci- 
mens of the other sex, is generally on that 
account more capable of exercising good 
judgment in the acceptance of a husband. 
The knowledge of the masculine nature 
gained under such conditions is of incalcu- 
lable value to an intelligent girl. Apart 
from the broadening influence upon her 



The Young Wife. 199 

mind, it imparts to her a faculty of dis- 
cernment which may save her from much 
misconception and misjudgment in her in- 
tercourse with potential suitors as well as in 
after life. 

Our girls are allowed a degree of liberty 
which is greatly in excess of that enjoyed 
by their sisters in any country in Europe. 
We. deem the simple and unaffected 
friendships of our people of different sexes 
a natural and desirable condition. Ameri- 
cans are happily free from prudishness, but 
it does not appear that they are at all de- 
ficient in real modesty. It is apparent, 
however, that our girls have, to a much 
greater degree than any others, a knowl- 
edge of the characteristics and nature of the 
other sex and this is in all probability not 
the least of the qualities that combine to 
make the American woman the acknowl- 
edged best wife in the world. 

We would not have our girls nonsensi- 



200 The Young Wife. 

cally sentimental ; nor would we have them 
too worldly calculating. We hope that 
manly beauty and strength and accomplish- 
ments will always appeal to their fancy, but 
we would warn them against allowing the 
more brilliant and palpable qualities to 
blind them to the lack of the less obvious, 
but more substantial characteristics, such as 
honesty, good sense and mental balance. 

It is so easy for a young girl to allow 
her judgment to be warped by flattering 
attentions. Let us take an illustration 
ready at hand. The devoted cavalier who 
responds unquestioningly to the beck and 
call of his inamorata, is constant in his at- 
tendance upon her, and ready to sacrifice all 
other interests to her pleasure, will be 
deemed, by most young girls, an ideal lov- 
er. He may, indeed, be that and not alto- 
gether a desirable fiance. The very ex- 
cess of his devotion may betray lack of 
common-sense and forethought. In these 



The Young Wife. 201 



days of keen competition, when a man's ut- 
most capacity is commonly the gauge of his 
daily task, no young fellow, with his way to 
make in the world, can afford to be out of 
bed at midnight three or four times in the 
week. If he is willing thus to hazard his 
health and prospects, although for your 
sake, fair reader, you are not entirely safe 
in deriving flattered self-satisfaction from 
the fact. In such a case I could heartily 
congratulate you, if your fiance, displaying 
more of the man and, perhaps, less of the 
beau chevalier, firmly declined to be sub- 
jected to such a heavy tax, kindly explain- 
ing that in his decision your ultimate wel- 
fare is at least as great a consideration as 
his own. I should say that he had dis- 
played the sort of quality that would make 
for your eventual and lasting happiness in 
a much greater degree than the cavaliere 
servente kind of homage which recklessly 
and dotingly responds to the every whim 



202 



The Young Wife. 



and notion of, perhaps, a not over consid- 
erate girl. 

I almost imagine that I hear you ex- 
claim: 14 Oh, this is the cold wisdom of a 
worldly old woman!" Satisfied with your 
acknowledgement of the wisdom I shall not 
cavil at the qualification. At best my 
homily is so brief and vague that it almost 
begs the question, but I cherish the hope 
that it may lead some of my young readers 
to bestow more than the customary amount 
of thought on a subject of the most vital 
importance to themselves. I would have 
them come to consider the value, beyond 
everything, of the sterling and stable qual- 
ities in a husband, and guard against their 
own aptness to allow surface polish and 
physical attractions to influence them to 
the exclusion of more important considera- 
tions, Most marriages are happy, but the 
majority of unhappy ones were " beauty 
matches," the union of young unsophisti- 



The Young Wife. 203 

cated people, who were drawn to each 
other by mere physical attractions and have 
no more durable qualities to hold them to- 
gether. Under such conditions, " love's 
young dream " proves a dream indeed, and 
more often than not degenerates into a 
nightmare of unspeakable misery. 

Another danger arising from unbalanced 
sentiment threatens the young wife. 

It is a pity that the human clay is so soon 
revealed in our apotheosized idol. Hard- 
ly has the conventional honeymoon merged 
into the routine of regular life than the 
lacquer with which we overlaid it begins to 
peel in spots discovering the commonplace 
but natural substance beneath. In this 
crisis the young woman who has had the 
teaching of a sensible mother and the 
friendship of healthy men accepts her dis- 
appointment with the philosophy born of 
forewarning or experience. The over-sen- 
sitive soul, whose mind has been peopled 



204 The Young Wife. 



solely with ideal characters, takes the blow 
hardly and may never fully recover from 
the shock. 

Common-sense is the only refuge of the 
young wife in the days of disillusionment. 
In the first place, no man is much better 
than his fellows, nor, indeed, greatly dif- 
ferent from the general run of them. It 
is our fault, not his, that we have placed 
him on a pedestal of impossible superiority; 
it is our misfortune that we fail to accept 
his inevitable descent gracefully. The sit- 
uation is not without its humorous compen- 
sation, for while we are bewailing the ab- 
sence of qualities with which we arbitrarily 
invested him, the perverse creature dis- 
covers charming characteristics of which we 
never suspected him. 

My young friend ! so long as your hus- 
band's love continues and he evinces satis- 
faction with you and your conduct, there 
need be no bar to your domestic felicity. 



The Young Wife. 205 

It remains with you to secure the happiness 
that lies within your reach. Marriage is 
necessarily a give and take relationship, but 
beware of attempting to measure the re- 
spective equities in it. Rather strive to 
make your husband your debtor, for such 
is the surest way of making him your credi- 
tor. In a properly constituted domestic 
partnership, the accounts should be so de- 
lightfully involved as to establish a condi- 
tion of perpetual bankruptcy on both sides. 

After your marriage your husband will 
drop a number of his former bachelor ac- 
quaintances and cut loose from his old life, 
but do not feel aggrieved, nor be disap- 
pointed, if, after you have settled down, he 
declares a desire to spend an occasional 
evening at the club. If you are wise you 
will encourage him to take a little change 
of the kind and you may improve the op- 
portunity to entertain some of those friends 
of your own who, to your regret, never fail 



206 The Young Wife. 

to bore him. Mutual concessions of this 
sort, cheerfully made, go a long way 
towards easing the axle of the wheel of life. 

You must not expect to drift over the 
sea of life never encountering contrary 
wind or wave. Squalls will arise from 
time to time even in the sheltered harbor of 
home. No harm need be done if care is 
taken to prevent them from developing into 
storms. Tact and forbearance are the 
great safeguards — the sails and the bal- 
last of the craft. 

In the natural order of things a man's 
home should have stronger attractions for 
him than any other place in the world. He 
should learn to look upon it as a haven of 
rest, an unfailing refuge from the cares and 
troubles and strife of the outer world. Let 
it be your daily aim to have everything 
smooth and in order against your husband's 
return from business. You must not only 
dispose of all your domestic difficulties, but 



The Young Wife, 207 

also banish all traces of them from yourself. 
Insist on having the hour preceding dinner 
undisturbed in your own room and take 
the opportunity to refresh and compose 
yourself. No matter what have been the 
worries and annoyances of the day, let 
your weary husband find you fresh and 
pretty and cheerful. The anticipation of 
such a welcome will act as a tonic to him 
through the day and help him over many a 
tiresome place. 

I think that a business man should leave 
the details of housekeeping entirely to his 
wife, even though she is quite inexperi- 
enced. If she has it all to learn, she will 
probably get along better without interfer- 
ence. But every girl should endeavor to 
acquire a fair amount of practical knowl- 
edge in this direction before marriage and 
every 7 mother should instruct her daughter. 
In English families, where Martha is the 
exemplar to a greater extent than with us, 



208 The Young Wife. 

it is customary for mothers to hand their 
keys to the daughters in turn and to trans- 
fer the responsibilities of the household to 
each for a season. 

In the majority of cases it is undoubted- 
ly best for the head of the family to leave 
the management of the menage to his wife, 
giving her a regular stipulated allowance 
for the purpose. Only in exceptional in- 
stances will the arrangement, or any other 
that might be made, run quite smoothly at 
first, but after the young housekeeper has 
got into the swing of the thing, it should 
seldom be necessary to refer any of the 
household affairs to her husband. Once 
having determined the sum necessary, or 
sufficient, for the expenses, the young wife 
should be careful to avoid exceeding her al- 
lowance. To do so is more or less of a 
breach of faith and is a confession of in- 
competency, which will entail humiliation 
and create friction. Better secure a liberal 



The Young Wife. 209 

allowance at the outset and contrive by 
good management and legitimate econo- 
mies to save something from it. 

Few men probably — and certainly not 
many young men — have anything like an 
adequate conception of the difficulties and 
responsibilities that devolve upon the house- 
wife. A friend who had been married two 
or three years, confessed to me with amus- 
ing naivete that what he had learnt during 
a few weeks confinement to the house alto- 
gether upset his preconceived ideas on the 
subject of housekeeping and greatly in- 
creased his respect for his wife's ability. 
That man's household is well-managed 
and his wife, though barely beyond her 
teens, is a very sensible little body and 
thoroughly capable. If a pipe bursts, or 
the cook leaves suddenly in the middle of 
the day, she does not run to the telephone 
and uselessly bother her husband about the 
matter but, instead, goes energetically to 

14 



210 



The Young Wife. 



work to have the damage repaired, or the 
servant replaced, before her husband's re- 
turn in the evening. She had a nasty lire 
in her cellar last winter of which, I believe, 
he has no knowledge to this day. 

You have been taught that husband and 
wife should hold nothing from each other, 
that they should share each other's burdens 
and so forth. This is a very correct prin- 
ciple and ought never to be violated in es- 
sential particulars, but common-sense for- 
bids its application to the thousand and one 
little affairs of daily life. You would not 
have your husband share your toothache, 
and it would do you no good if he could. 
Why should he worry you with a recital of 
business troubles which you are neither able 
to understand nor to remedy? The in- 
junction, " bear one another's burdens! " is 
not to be construed so as to afford excuse 
for troubling another with your every little 
perplexity and annoyance. Many young 



The Young Wife. 211 

wives make a practice of doing this, but it 
is weak and inconsiderate and worse than 
futile. 

You have, let us say, had trouble with 
the cook in the course of the day which an- 
noyed and depressed you. When your hus- 
band comes home you can bring him into 
the area of disturbance, arouse his anger 
against the offending menial and excite his 
sympathy with yourself, and keep your own 
distracting emotions alive by discussing the 
details of the affair, so that you both spend 
an unpleasant evening and retire in a mor- 
bid mood. On the other hand, by dis- 
missing the matter before your husband's 
homecoming, you not only save him un- 
necessary bother, but also do the best thing 
possible for your own comfort and pleasure. 

It must not be supposed that I overlook 
the matters of more serious import, in the 
adjustment of which you really need the 
aid and sympathy of your husband. He is 



212 The Young Wife. 



your natural protector, helpmate and coun- 
selor. Never forget it for an instant, but 
exercise a sensible discrimination between 
petty and important concerns. 

I have elsewhere said something on the 
value of a knowledge of dressmaking. 
There are few young wives, comparatively, 
to whom it will not apply, and I hope that 
all my readers may give the subject the ser- 
ious consideration it deserves. 

Hamerton, in his usual practical vein, 
says : " Cookery in its perfection — the 
great science of preparing food in the way 
best suited to our use — is really the most 
important of all sciences, and the mother 
of the arts." It is so because health and 
happiness are dependent upon it more than 
upon any other art. No condition is so far 
reaching in its ill effects as indigestion. I 
never heard of a referee in divorce pro- 
ceedings inquiring into the culinary ar- 
rangements of the applicant's household, 



The Young Wife. 213 

but I would recommend that field of inves- 
tigation as likely to throw intelligent light 
on the source of many a domestic disagree- 
ment. 

Someone has said that the way to a 
man's affections is through his stomach. 
Certain it is that nothing will tend more to 
contentment in all of us than good food. 
You know it, my unsophisticated young 
friend, as surely as the keenest man of the 
world. If he desires a favor at the hands 
of your husband, he seeks him after he has 
had a good lunch, just as you artfully time 
your request for a new bonnet to synchro- 
nize with the half way stage of the cigar 
following a well-cooked dinner. A good 
cook is a more important factor in the hap- 
piness of a household than is generally sus- 
pected. Even though she does not super- 
intend the kitchen service, the young wife 
should be thoroughly capable of judging 
the quality of it. Better still, if she has a 



2i4 I he Young Wife. 

practical knowledge of cookery, so that she 
may oversee her cook and if necessary in- 
struct her. 

Xo doubt the more showy accomplish- 
ments will serve a girl best in her salad 
days, but after she is married the greater 
value of a knowledge of the domestic arts 
will be impressed upon her. Beethoven 
rendered in the most approved amateur 
fashion will not banish the pains of an ill- 
digested beefsteak; nor will the fact that 
his wife can name the dish in five different 
languages compensate a hungry man for 
its being inedible. 

The young wife is, of all human beings, 
best circumstanced to taste the sweets of 
life, to love and to be loved, to tend and to 
be protected, to cheer and to be made 
happy. All these delights and innumer- 
ably more are at her command, for upon 
herself in the main depends the realization 
of them. Her making or marring is in her 



The Young Wife. 215 

own hands, and often, also the making or 
marring of her husband. She should be 
like Wordsworth's " Phantom of Delight," 

" A creature not too bright or good 
For human nature's daily food; 
For transient sorrows, simple wiles, 
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears and smiles. 



A perfect woman, nobly planned, 
To warn, to comfort, and command." 



INDEX. 



PAGE 

Ball, et seq 137 

Invitations to a 137-138 

Preparations for a 138 

Reception of guests at a 138-140 

Host, hostess and guests at a 140 

Conditions in the room 141-142 

Orchestra at a 142 

Dancing at a 143 

Supper at a 144 

Guests leaving a 144 

See also Dance; Supper; Dress — Practical 
Hints. 

Breakfast, et seq 169 

Sunday 169 

Menu for 169 

See also Weddings; Table Etiquette, Lunch- 
eons, etc. 

Calling, et seq * . 36 

For the first time in the season 41 

Perfunctorily and by proxy 42 

And leaving cards 42-43 

Exemption of men 47 

217 



2i 8 Index. 

PAGE 

Calling — Hours for 47 

Upon new residents 49-50 

And returning calls 50 

To express condolence 50-51 

Duty calls 52 

And receiving calls 52-54 

See also Cards; Receptions. 

Cards, et seq 36 

Form of, et seq 36 

For matron 37 

For professional women 38 

For school girls 38 

For sisters 39 

For mother and son 39 

For a married woman 40 

For a widow 40 

For a divorcee 41 

For persons in mourning 41 

Improper use of 43-44 

Accompanying gifts 44 

See also Calling; Weddings. 

Conversation, et seq 106 

A dead art 106 

At home 106-109 

In the French salons 110 

Wit in 111-114 

Punning in 114 

Malice in 114-116 

Gossip in 116-117 

Kindliness in 117 

Affectation in 118 



Index. 219 

PAGE 

Conversation — Truth in 118-119 

Importance and value of excellence in... 119 

Essentials of good, et seq 120 

Tone and manner in 121-123 

Diction in 123-124 

Quotations in 124-126 

Anecdotes in 126 

Correspondence, et seq 87 

Desirable qualities in 88, 89 

Defects of 90-92 

Hints on , 93-95 

Material for 95-96 

Conventional forms in 96-100 

Dance, et seq 145 

Preparations for a 145-146 

Chaperons at a 146 

Time of arrival at a 146 

Supper at a 146 

See also Ball; Supper; Dress — Practical 
Hints. 

Deportment in public, et seq 23 

Introductions 23-24 

Walking 24-25 

Salutations 25-27 

Recognitions 27-28 

Kissing . 28 

Dinners, et seq 127 

Invitations to 128 

Time of 128-129 

Host, hostess and guests at 129 

Introductions at 130 



220 Index. 

PAGE 

Dinners — Conversation at 130 

Preparations for 131-132 

Serving, et seq 132 

Table service for 132-133 

Courses for 134 

Wines for 134-135 

Menu for small 135-136 

See also Table Etiquette; Dress — Practical 
Hints. 

Dress (Its Ethics), et seq 55 

Its proper value 55-56 

Its demand 56-59 

The expense entailed by 59-61 

American woman's genius for 61-62 

Individuality in 62-64 

English women lack taste in 64 

Girls should be taught dressmaking. ... 65-67 

Dress (Practical Hints), et seq 69 

Morning 69 

Evening 69 

On the street 70 

Composition of morning 70-72 

Calling 72-73 

And Jewelry 73-74 

Of hostess and guests at luncheons, mati- 
nees, afternoon receptions, etc 72-74 

Character and occasions for wear of even- 
ing 74-79 

For young girls 75 

At hotel table 76-77 

At the opera 78 



Index. 221 

PAGE 

Dress — For balls and dances 79-80 

In summer 82-83 

At home 84-85 

See also Ball; Dinners; Luncheon, etc. 

Engagements, et seq 177 

Announcing 177 

Behavior of principals in 177-179 

Good Form, Definition of, et seq 1 

Its elements 2 

Contrasted with formal etiquette 2-4 

Its cultivation at home 6-7 

And happiness * 7-9 

And sympathy .9-10 

And good temper 10 

And tact 11-12 

Genuine 12-13 

Introductions, et seq 16 

Casual and formal 16-18 

At dinner 18 

At a ball 18 

At house dances 18 

Manner of 19-22 

In public 23-24 

See also Dinners; Receptions; Deportment 
in Public, etc. 

Invitations, et seq '. 29 

Formal 29 

Informal 30-31 

To house parties 31-32 

To theatre parties 32 

To husband and wife 32 



222 Index. 

PAGE 

Invitations — Several members of a family 32 

Time of dispatch 33 

Acknowledgment of 33-34 

See also Ball; Dinners; Weddings, etc. 

Luncheon, et seq 170 

Menu for 170 

Dress at 170 

Arrangements for 171 

At summer resorts 171-172 

See also Dress — Practical Hints; Table Eti- 
quette, etc. 

Reading, et seq 100 

And young girls 100-102 

And conversation 102-103 

Discrimination in 103-105 

And the reading circle 105 

Receptions, et seq 159 

Various kinds of 159 

Hours of 159 

Reception of guests at 159-160 

Music at 160 

Refreshments at 160 

Hostess and guests at 161-162 

Dress at • 162 

Various purposes of 162-163 

See also Weddings; Tea; Calling. 

Supper, et seq 172 

Theatre party 173-174 

Ball or Dance (q. v.) 175 

Menu for 175-176 



Index. 223 

PAGE 

Supper — On other occasions 176 

See also Table Etiquette. 

Table Etiquette, et seq 147 

General deportment 147-148 

Conversation 148 

Correct seat at table 149 

Correct use of knife and fork 149-150 

Drinking 150 

Accidents 151-152 

Fish 152 

Entrees 152-153 

Vegetables . . 153 

Meats 153-154 

Bread 154 

Relishes .....154-155 

Fruits 155 

Cake 155-156 

Distinctions between formal and small 
dinners 156-158 

Tea, et seq 165 

At an afternoon reception 165-166 

Correct method of making . .166-169 

Weddings, et seq 179 

Invitations to 179-181 

Expenses of 181-182 

Bridesmaids at 182-183 

Farewell dinner preceding 183-184 

Rehearsal of 184 

Seasons of 184-185 

Hours of 185 

Decorations for 185 



224 Index. 

Page 

Weddings — Church ceremony of 186-189 

Semi-private 189 

Home 189-190 

Preparations for home 190 

Celebration of home 190-191 

Receptions at 191-192 

Country 192 

Dancing at 193 

Breakfast at 193-194 

Vulgarity in connection with 194-195 

Decorations for 195-196 

Wife, the Young, et seq 197 

Choice of a husband 197 

Platonic friendship 198-199 

Liberty accorded to American girls 199 

Desirable qualities in a man 200-202 

Unbalanced sentiment 203 

Management of a husband, et seq 205 

Domestic squalls 206 

Making home attractive 206-207 

Housekeeping, et seq 207 

Mutual consideration 210-212 

Cookery 212-214 

Substantial accomplishments 214 

The young wife 214-215 



Good Form for Men 

A Guide to Conduct and Dress 
on All Occasions 
BY 

CHARLES HARCOURT 

This thoroughly sensible and manly book is 
best described by a review which appeared in the 
Philadelphia " Public Ledger:" 

Books on etiquette are not generally of such a character 
as to be worth the notice of self-respecting men. ^ They are 
generally left to the " young misses " and " gents " who live 
in mortal fear of being found out to be what they feel them- 
selves to be. " Good Form for Men," however, is above the 
average of its kind, for it is conceived and written in a whole- 
some, manly spirit. There is nothing finical or foppish about 
the conventions which Mr. Harcourt undertakes to codify and 
explain. " Society," thereby meaning well-bred and cultured 
men and women, has as much right to lay down rules to dress 
and conduct as any " secret " society has to insist upon ritual 
and ceremony. Mr. Harcourt's book is a thoroughly sensible 
one and maybe studied with profit by men who, not being to 
the manner born, desire to feel at ease among the cultured. 

12mo, Cloth, extra $1.00 

Bound uniformly with Good Form for Women. 

Good Form for Women 

A Guide to Conduct and Dress 
on All Occasions 
BY 

MRS. CHARLES HARCOURT 

The writer addresses the great mass who make up the back- 
bone of our country and takes no account of the passing 
fads of fashion. Etiquette at its best means consideration 
and fair treatment of every one, and every womanly woman 
should have an understanding of its rules to help her over dif- 
ficult places. This book contains chapters on Introductions, 
Invitations, Cards and Calling, Dress, Correspondence and 
Reading, Conversation, Dinners, Balls, Table Etiquette, Re- 
ceptions, Luncheons, Suppers, Engagements, Weddings, The 
Young Wife, etc. Unlike so many books of the same character 
" Good Form for Women " is not dry and tiresome but 
bright and entertaining from cover to cover. The personal 
tone adopted by the author cannot fail to attract and charm 
the reader. It is a book written by a sensible woman for sen- 
sible readers, and is a reliable and helpful guide. 

12mo, Cloth, extra $1.00 

Bound uniformly with Good Form for Men. 




HURLBUT'S 
STORY OF THE 
BIBLE 

told for 

YOUNG AND OLD 

by 

Rev. Jesse Lyman Hurlbut, D.D. 

THE BIBLE MADE FASCINATING TO CHILDREN.— The heroes and the 
noble men and women of the Bible are made to appear as 
living, acting people. The book is an original work, and 
in no sense an imitation. It has been in preparation for 
a number of years. 

THE DISTINGUISHED AUTHOR. — Dr. Hurlbut has long been asso- 
ciated with, and director of, the Sunday School work of 
one of the largest denominations, and he has been more 
closely associated with the detail work of the Chautauqua 
movement than has any other man. He is also well known 
as a writer. 

REMARKABLE FOR THE BEAUTY AND NUMBER OF ITS ILLUSTRATIONS. — 

There are sixteen pictures in color prepared for this work 
by the distinguished artist, W. H. Margetson, and repro- 
duced with the beauty and attractiveness of the artist's 
original work. There are also nearly 300 half-tone en- 
gravings in this remarkable book, which is as original in 
the selection of its illustrations as it is in its stories. 
WHAT OTHERS THINK OF IT 

" It is a needed and original work. Not an imitation." — Christian Ad- 
vocate, New York. 

"Written in such a style as to fascinate and hold the interest of 
child or man." — Rev. F. E. Clark, Pres. Society of Christian Endeavor. 

"It is a beautiful book. I hope every family in the land will secure 
'Hurlbut's Story of the Bible.' " — General O. O. Howard. 

"The best book of its kind, and that kind the most important." — 
Rev. James A. Worden, Presbyterian B'd of Pub. and S. S. Work. 

"I like very much the vocabulary you have used, and J[ can see how 
careful you have been in choosing understandable words." — Mr. Philip 
E. Howard, Sunday-School Times, Philadelphia. 

"It is the completest and best thing of the kind I have seen. The 
book is splendidly illustrated." Marian Lawrance, General Secretary 
International Sunday-School Association. 

"Many will be drawn to the Bible who otherwise might look upon it as 
only adapted for older people." — Hon. David J. Brewer, Justice of 
the Suoreme Court of the United States. 



SOCIAL LAW IN THE 

SPIRITUAL WORLD 

Studies in Human and Divine Inter-Relationship 

BY 

Rufus M. Jones, A.M., Ijtt. D. 

Professor of Philosophy in Haverford College, Pa. 

This is a fresh interpretation of the deep- 
est problems of life. It discusses the most 
interesting phases of recent psychological in- 
vestigation into spiritual subjects. 
1 Professor Jones offers here a series of studies 
on the nature and meaning of Personality. 
He is at home in modern psychology and tells 
it effectively for his purpose in freedom from 
technicalities." — The Outlook. 
1 1 The author has written the twelve chapters 
of this book dealing with such subjects as The 
Meaning of Personality, The Realization of 
Persons, The Sub-Conscious Life, The Inner 
Light, etc., etc., with an aim to show through 
Psychology, as Drummond showed through 
Biology, that life can be unified from top to 
bottom." — Christian Work and the Evan- 
gelist. 

" The author bears a unique equipment for 
the task, having stndied Philosophy at Harvard 
under Royce and Palmer, and acquired the art 
of presenting it to untrained thinkers in his 
capacity of Professor of Philosophy at Haver- 
ford College." — British Friend. 

12mo. 272 pages. Extra Vellum Cloth , 
Gilt Top, Uncut Edges. Price$1.25 
Net {Postage 10 Cents). 



7 



